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Title: Flight
Pairing/Focus: Juntoshi
Rating: PG (for language)
Warnings: None
Summary: Two childhood friends stopped talking after a high school feud, until they find themselves on the same international flight twenty years later. What conversations unfold over the next 12 hours, and do they keep in touch, or go their separate ways forever?
Notes: Dear eiko_lotus, I hope you like this fic, even if it isn’t steamy, and tend to veer to the angst in some parts.
August 2018
He couldn’t believe it! Of all days to oversleep, it had to be today. He barely made it through the security of the airport and checked in his bags, but Ohno Satoshi managed to get to the gate for his flight to New York, with a layover at Dallas-Fort Worth. He was the last one to get in, and he could feel judgmental eyes boring on him for holding up the plane for a couple of minutes. Whatever. He just overheard a couple of the flight crew saying that the guys on the ground were taking too long putting the baggage into the cargo hold.
He almost walked by his assigned row. The man sitting in the aisle seat crinkled his nose. Too bad for him. Satoshi bet the guy wished there would be an empty seat between him and the other guy sitting by the window.
“Excuse me, excuse me,” Satoshi said, plopping down on the middle seat. He fumbled with the seatbelt clasp for a moment, then looked up in apology to his seatmates. Satoshi froze when he finally had a good look at the man sitting by the window. The man was already staring at him, his face mirroring how Satoshi felt: shock. It had been 20 years since he had seen him; though slightly older, he hadn’t changed much.
“Jun,” he breathed out, his breath hitched. “H-hisashiburi.”
Jun swallowed before he mustered up a faint, “Hisashiburi, Ohno-san.”
Ohno couldn’t believe it. After all these years, he had finally met Matsumoto Jun again. It had been 20 years since the boy, now a man, had talked to him. He grew up and aged well. He tried not to stare, not to check him out, but he couldn’t believe how handsome his high school friend had become. Was this really that scrawny first year student in the dance team-slashed-club who always looked up to him? His body, and what a fine body it was, had filled, the obvious muscular figure under that tight gray V-neck shirt and blazer jacket.
“How are you?” Satoshi asked, trying not to sound anxious and hopeful. Please talk to me, he silently begged.
Jun kept staring at him. After a beat, the man replied in a cool voice, “I’m fine.”
“You look good.”
“Thanks.” The same cool reply.
“Going to New York?”
“That’s where this plane is heading to, right?”
Satoshi felt stupid. “Uh, well, this flight has a layover in Dallas, so I thought that maybe you were just going to get off there, and-”
Jun chuckled. “Right. I’m going to New York.” He took out a set of purple Beats headphones and put it on.
“Right.” Satoshi faced forward, feeling even more awkward and embarrassed. So much for catching up with each other. At least Jun had finally spoken to him, however small the conversation had been.
It wasn’t for another hour when they finally started talking again.
“Thanks,” Jun mumbled when Satoshi helped the flight attendant by handing Jun his tray of food. Then he proceeded to eat without another glance at his direction. Sighing, Satoshi started eating.
“This might be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of like airplane food.”
Satoshi blinked, not sure if Jun had spoken out loud to himself or was really talking to him. “Uh, I kind of share your opinion,” he replied warily. Jun gave him a smile.
“Do you travel a lot, Ohno-san?”
“For work, yes.”
“What do you do?” Jun asked, stuffing another forkful of omelet rice.
Satoshi inwardly cringed. “I’m a choreographer for one of the top boybands in Japan.” He replied slowly, not sure how Jun would react to that. His talent that landed him this job was the reason why Jun had stopped talking to him.
Jun only nodded, then went back to his food. “Cool,” was all he said. Satoshi studied him for a moment, unsure what the man was thinking. Was he cussing him out in his head, cursing him ‘til kingdom come? Did he think he was a show-off for getting a job that had to do with his talent?
“What do you do, Ju- Matsumoto-san?” He wanted to call Jun by name like how he used to do, but it had been 20 years and Jun might not like being reminded of how close they once were.
“I’m a concert creative director,” he said. “I work with boybands producing their live concerts and such.”
“Oh. I wonder why we had never worked in the same event. I work with boybands’ choreography for their concerts as well.”
Jun nodded. The meal was done, the trays handed to flight attendants, and Jun once again placed his headphones back in his ears. Satoshi leaned against the headrest with a sigh. That awkward conversation lasted about 30 minutes, a little bit longer since they had talked at the start of the flight. He checked his watch. It had only been three hours since they departed. It was going to be a long flight.
This was his chance. For almost two months after “the incident,” as he had dubbed it, Satoshi had been trying to get Jun to speak with him. Hell, he had looked forward to their dance club every week, hoping that Jun would be there. After “the incident,” however, the guy never once came back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1998
“You have to apologize,” Toma, one of the other few freshmen of the team and Jun’s homeroom classmate, had advised. “You know how stubborn he can be.”
“We need him back, Ohno-kun," Sho had said. “We can’t have a dance group for the festival if we’re one man short.”
“Guys, I tried, okay,” Satoshi said. “I go to his house everyday, but his mom only tells me he is busy and won’t come and see me.”
“You had lied to him,” Nino said, pouting in the corner the whole time, his arms crossing over his chest. His eyes glared at Satoshi. Everyone turned to him, Sho asking what he meant. Instead, Nino kept staring at Satoshi. “You lied to him, that’s why he doesn’t trust you.”
Satoshi sighed and looked down. He didn’t really lie, not intentionally anyway. He wanted it to be a surprise, in a way. He had been kicking himself for being double-minded about telling Jun that he would enter the competition, too. If he had, would Jun be feeling betrayed?
Too late now, the deed had been done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Satoshi looked at his watch again. He had been watching two movies in a row, and his eyes hurt. The clock on the small screen in front of his seat showed that there was another 9 hours until they arrive on US ground. The plane was in semi-darkness, many people had fell asleep, or watching the glowing screens in front of them. He turned to Jun, who had his eyes closed, listening to whatever it was on his headphones. Satoshi took that time to study his profile. That perfect profile of straight nose, plump pouty lips, long eyelashes that curves on his smooth skin.
“Quit staring at me.” Satoshi jumped. Jun finally opened his eyes, turning his head slightly to Satoshi. “I can feel you hovering.”
“S-sorry,” Satoshi stammered, turning forward once again. He was in his late 30s, yet why was he acting like a teenaged loser? He mentally kicked himself.
Jun gave a small chuckle. “God, after all these years, you’re still pretty awkward.”
Satoshi turned to him with narrowed eyes. “Awkward? You were that skinny little kid who can’t talk to girls without looking like a fool.”
“Shut up. That was one time. Nino dared me to woo some random girl. I didn’t know she already had a boyfriend from another school and wasn’t interested.”
“You were such a geek back then.”
“Oh, and you were such a hot shot? You never once had a girlfriend.”
“Well, that’s because I like-” Satoshi stopped himself in time, feeling his face getting flushed. Holy shit, he almost said it. It was not the time, and Jun, without a doubt didn’t want to hear it, not after years had gone by. The man was better off not knowing. He cleared his throat and looked away. “Besides, it was going to be my last year as a senior. I was busy applying to universities.” He could feel Jun looking at him, most likely wondering what he was going to say.
“You like what?”
Satoshi inwardly groaned. Of course he would ask, of course. Twenty years might have separated them, but some things never change. Jun was always the curious one, pressing for answers. “Nothing. I… don’t want to talk about it. Not yet, anyway.” Maybe never, he thought. I just finally gotten you to talk to me again. Don’t want to lose that.
“When?”
“Later. I’m tired, I need to sleep. Oyasumi.” It was difficult in a close proximity and an even smaller space to move about, but he managed to turn his back to Jun and lean on the neck pillow and closed his eyes. He stayed in that position for a while, knowing he could never get good sleep in that position, but Jun seemed to settle himself, and leaned against the window to sleep. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes. Jun had leaned on the window, the small pillow the airline had provided was tucked under his head. He looked so angelic. Satoshi closed his eyes again, feeling his neck hurting already. He berated himself for getting a middle seat, what luck.
He felt a hand nudging him. Satoshi opened his eyes slowly, and finds the man sitting in the aisle seat glaring at him. Satoshi straightened up, fully awake. How fucking embarrassing. He was resting on the guy’s shoulder, a spot of wetness on the guy’s shirt. Of course, he had to drool on a stranger after sleeping on him… a foreigner at that.
“Sorry about that,” he said it in English. “I’ll pay for the dry cleaning.”
“Never mind,” the guy said. “Just stay away from me.”
Satoshi winced, bowing to the guy in apology when he turned away from him. Satoshi looked forward again, relieved that the flight attendants were starting to serve another meal. He checked his watch. Only six hours left until they reach Dallas. He turned to nudge Jun awake. The man groaned, but opened his eyes. “Food is coming,” Satoshi said before Jun could protest. Jun raised his arms to stretch and Satoshi couldn’t help noticing how his shirt lifted up showing, for a moment, his smooth abs. How did this man grow up perfect?
“What happened earlier?” Jun asked between bites once they got their trays. Satoshi frowned at him in wonderment. “It was muffled, but you and our seatmate over here were talking?”
“Oh.” Satoshi felt his face flushed again. He told Jun what had happened. Seeing and hearing Jun laugh so hard made his heart ached and long for the man. It had been too long since he and Jun had shared a laugh together. He missed him terribly.
“Geez, Satoshi, sometimes I wonder about you,” Jun said, wiping a tear from his eye, still laughing.
Satoshi blinked at him. “You just called me by name,” he said softly.
The laughter in Jun’s lips died. He coughed, then went back to his meal, the awkwardness between them seemed to hover back again.
“I missed you. A lot.”
Jun shook his head. “Don’t.”
“But I do. I miss you, Jun. I always wonder how you are, or if you’re doing well in your studies. I heard from Sho that he used to come by your house once in a while to tutor you.”
“I don’t want to talk about the past,” Jun said, his voice sounding harsh like he was trying not to yell. “Could you leave it at that?”
“But-”
“Sir, would you like me to take that tray from you?” The interruption from the flight attendant couldn’t have come in at any worse timing. Jun handed her his tray, then put his headphones on once more, and leaned on the window, his face away from Satoshi. Satoshi sighed, handed his tray as well, then shot a look at Jun’s direction before putting on his earphones to watch another movie. This was turning out be the worst flight ever.
Satoshi was jolted awake. It was a bad turbulence. He flipped through the TV screen to where the airline had shown their flight track and saw that they were now above the Rocky Mountains in the United States. Two and a half more hours to go. He gripped the armrest, only to find Jun’s hand was already there. “Sorry,” Satoshi said, but Jun gripped his hand before he could take it away.
“I hate this part of flying,” Jun said. “You’d think I’d get used to it by now, flying everywhere in Japan and such.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Satoshi said. “It just reminds me that we are taking a risk of being a few kilometers above the ground all for the sake of coming to a foreign land. Reminds you that you are human and we shouldn’t take anything for granted.”
“That’s really dark, Ohno-san.”
So, it was now back to using honorifics. At least he was speaking to him again. The plane seemed to fall apart. Damn gravity. If the plane crashes then, was it okay to never tell Jun about what had happened? And even if they make it to Dallas, will they have another chance of sitting next to each other to their continuing flight to New York? It was now or never.
“Jun,” Satoshi said, turning to the man. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t want to lose this opportunity to tell you I am so sorry for what happened years ago in high school.”
Jun glared at him, looking away. Satoshi reached out and pulled off his headphones. Jun grabbed it from his hands. “Just listen, please, you don’t have to say anything,” Satoshi begged. Jun still wouldn’t look at him, but he didn’t put the headphones on.
“I… I am so sorry I didn’t tell you that I had changed my mind and went up against you.”
Jun glared at him. “Satoshi. Of all the people, you were the one who knew how much I had wanted to win the title of Dance King, how much I had worked hard for that contest.”
“I know.”
“You told me you wouldn’t join, just so I could have the shot at winning it.”
“I know.”
“And surprise, surprise! Whose name was announced a few contestants later and stole the show? The great Ohno Satoshi, the most talented dancer of Kitagawa High. Thanks for giving me the shot, Satoshi.”
Jun’s bitterness was palpable, and Satoshi ached at how much he regretted doing it. But he had a good intention of joining. A stupid mistake on his part, but with good intentions. “I joined the last minute because I heard about the prize and-”
“Prize? Prize?” It must have taken a toll on Jun for not yelling, but Satoshi could feel some people were turning to look their way. “You risked our friendship over a measly 10,000 yen?” Jun scoffed, shaking his head. “Some sempai you are. A true best friend. I can’t believe I had adored you and looked up to you.”
Satoshi gripped Jun’s hand, but he pulled it away, slipping through his fingers. “I thought I meant something to you,” Jun whispered, his voice choking a little. “I thought you loved me. God, what an idiot I was.”
“I do, I mean, I did. Jun, you did mean something to me. You still do. All these years.”
Jun shook his head stubbornly. “No. I don’t want to hear your excuse. There is only a couple of hours left on this flight. Once we land, let’s pretend we never saw each other. The past is behind us. I don’t want to go back.”
It felt like being stabbed multiple times, his heart ached badly as Jun placed his headphones back on, and this time, placed the blanket over his head, shutting him out. His eyes sting with tears welling up, but he didn’t want to cry there. Quickly, he excused himself, passing over the seatmate in the aisle seat, and headed to the lavatory. Fortunately, there was an empty stall and he quickly locked himself in it, crying soundlessly over the pain and regret flooding through.
Oh, Jun, he thought. If only you would hear me out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1998
Satoshi had stared at the flyer of the Dance King competition the neighborhood had distributed. Jun had been excited about it a few weeks back, and he had seen him practicing his moves over and over like a perfectionist he was. Satoshi looked proudly at him, couldn’t believe how much he loved the guy and only realizing a few days ago that that love he felt to the 15-year-old kouhai was more than just the love between friends. He had fell in love with Jun, a secret he thought he could keep for fear of the teasing or the stigma he’d get for falling for another guy.
He wanted to do something for Jun. It was his birthday coming up soon, and he wanted to give a special gift. He also planned to confess that day, once he’d given that gift. However, he didn’t have any money, and being in school, exam tutoring, and the dance team, Satoshi didn’t have time to get a job to earn money to buy a present.
Until he took a good look at that flyer and saw the prize money. It was enough to get the Sony Walkman Jun had wanted to get and hinted to everyone to get it for his birthday. Guilt gnawed at him for even thinking of joining. He should tell Jun he changed his mind about joining, but knowing the guy, Jun would pry until he had to tell him his purpose, and there goes the surprise gift. No, he shouldn’t tell him. Once he gets the Walkman though, Jun would forgive him and everything will be okay. He’d mope for a while, but he’d get over it.
Sure enough, he won. What a mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ding above caught everyone’s attention, and soon the pilot was announcing that everyone was to fasten their seatbelts and get ready for landing. Satoshi looked over Jun’s form under the blanket, the man was not stirring at all.
They finally landed, the sound of metal clanking as everyone unfastened their seatbelts and stood up from their seats to disembark the plane. Satoshi looked over at Jun again. He stirred under the blanket but didn’t straighten up. He was going to wait until Satoshi left. Sighing, Satoshi got up, and made his way down the aisle to the exit.
Satoshi found a seat at the gate where his flight to New York would be. He glanced up now and then for Jun, sighing in relief when Jun had made his way to the same gate. They will be on the same flight once again, but Satoshi doubted they’d get another chance to be seated in the same row. Sure enough, they were in different rows, with Jun sitting just a couple rows in front of Satoshi. The man placed his carryon pack inside the overhead bin just above Satoshi but he never glanced at him.
The three-hour flight to New York was uneventful, but Satoshi felt anxious. It was now or never and there might not be another chance encounter with Jun ever again. He fiddled with the wrapped package in his hand.
When the passengers embarked at La Guardia, Satoshi weaved between passengers, trying to catch up to Jun. He grabbed Jun’s arm when he reached him. Jun whipped around, the look on his face could kill.
“Wait, I know you want to punch me right now, but, I have something for you. Please. Just take it.” He placed the package in Jun’s hand. “It’s for you. It’s been twenty years, but you need to open it, please.”
“I have to go,” Jun’s voice sounded cool, but he stuffed the packaged into his backpack. Satoshi grabbed his arm again, and he looked sharply at him.
“Happy 35th birthday,” Satoshi said. “May this year be full of happiness for you, whatever your endeavors are.” Jun didn’t reply, instead he turned and walked away from Satoshi, who could only watch him go. He hoped Jun would open the package, and open his heart for him once more.
November 2018
Satoshi rubbed his throbbing temples. He had been practicing with the backup dancers, a group of teenagers who hoped to one day be in an official band, but for the moment worked in the background for one of Japan’s biggest boyband group- NAIS. The tour was about to open in a few days and still, the dancers didn’t seem to get the choreography right. Even his assistants were at their wit’s end trying to make the moves stick in their brains.
“Okay, okay,” Satoshi called out as once more they stumbled over a certain sequence. The boys groaned, disappointed that they messed up once again. “It’s getting late. We’ll get back to work in the morning.” The boys piled out of the studio, leaving Satoshi alone in the back mirrored room. He took a swig of water from the bottle, stretching his neck side to side. He loved his job, really, but days like this, he wished he could quit. Maybe he could get a job as a fisherman and sell fish to simple folks. He was getting too old for this shit.
“Still a slave driver to the youth, aren’t you?” Satoshi whipped around at the voice behind him, shocked to see Jun leaning casually on the door jam of the studio.
“Eh? What are you doing here?” Satoshi asked, staring at the man who swaggered in. The dance studio of the biggest entertainment agency of Japan was the last place he’d expect to see the man, who looked good as usual.
“I’m here to help out NAIS’s concert,” Jun replied. “Nino called me for help in producing their tour.” He sat on the chair by a mirror, and looked around. “I still can’t believe he, Sho and Toma had been in this music industry for 19 years. This Aiba guy with them is a real character, ne?”
“Aiba-shi is the best,” Satoshi said, smiling. He sat on the chair next to Jun. “He cracks me up all the time. You should befriend him. He’ll cook for you.”
Jun laughed. “I’ll take your word for it.” He paused for a moment, and Satoshi couldn’t help thinking that he looked shy for once. “Um, I heard you were practicing here, so I came by to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
Jun fished out something from his backpack. It was a Sony Walkman. “I almost didn’t want to take it out of its packaging. I can’t believe it had been intact all these years. This thing is now vintage.”
Satoshi smiled. “Well if you ever feel strapped for cash, you can always sell it on EBay.”
Jun laughed. “How’d you know we’d meet again and give it to me?” he asked, eyeing Satoshi with curious eyes.
“I didn’t. I always carry it with me with hopes that one day I’ll see you again and have that chance to give you your birthday present.” Satoshi hesitated. “I love you, Jun. I always have, even during all these years of not seeing you, you were always in my thoughts. I really am sorry about it. God, I was a stupid kid back then. How stupid was that plan? Get the prize money from you just so I can give you a present? I almost threw that thing away.”
They were silent for a moment, Satoshi’s thoughts wandering through how his childish plan had backfired big time. Yet for some reason, here he was sitting next to Jun again. Maybe he could take this opportunity to make amends. “Will you ever forgive me? For my betrayal?”
“I was just as stupid a kid as you then,” Jun said. “I wanted that Dance King title to impress you. God. ‘Dance King.’ How lame was that title?” He chuckled. “I thought about it, and looking back, I was just being a stubborn asshole. I’m sorry I wouldn’t give you a chance to explain.”
Satoshi felt a warmth in his hand, and looking down, he saw Jun had clasped his hand over his. “I read the note that came with the Walkman. I didn’t know you felt that way about me back then.”
Satoshi felt his face flush. “I… didn’t know how to tell you then.”
“You should’ve told me sooner.”
“Why?”
“So, I could’ve done this sooner.” Before Satoshi knew it, Jun’s lips landed on his. It was soft and supple, just as he had thought. He kissed Jun back with equal fervor, his fingers grazing gently over Jun’s face.
“Ahem.”
Jun and Satoshi jumped at the sound, sheepishly smiling at Sho, Nino, Toma, and Aiba standing at the doorway, their faces amused for catching them making out.
“If you two lovebirds aren’t busy, we need to continue planning for the show,” Nino said. Aiba giggled. Satoshi and Jun got up, but instead of leaving the studio, Satoshi gave them a smile. “We’ll be at the conference room in a minute,” he said and shut the door in their faces.
“I see how it is,” came Nino’s muffled protest on the other side.
Jun chuckled, making his way to Satoshi and crushed his lips on his again. “We can’t be long, or Nino won't let us hear the end of it,” Jun said against his lips. He pulled away for a moment. “I have something for you.” He grabbed his backpack that was still at the foot of the chair and walked back to Satoshi, taking out something flat. A big card.
“Happy 38th birthday,” Jun said softly as Satoshi opened it. “I hope you like it.” Tucked inside the card were two plane tickets to Hawaii. He raised an eyebrow at Jun. “Sho told me you like to fish, so I thought I’d take you there, that is if you want me there, so we could go on vacation to Oahu after the tour, and you’ll go deep sea fishing.”
“Thank you,” he pecked a kiss on Jun’s lips. “And of course I want you. I love you, you know.” Jun smiled shyly, his face turning pink. Satoshi leaned in and together shared a passionate kiss that was long overdue.
THE END
Pairing/Focus: Juntoshi
Rating: PG (for language)
Warnings: None
Summary: Two childhood friends stopped talking after a high school feud, until they find themselves on the same international flight twenty years later. What conversations unfold over the next 12 hours, and do they keep in touch, or go their separate ways forever?
Notes: Dear eiko_lotus, I hope you like this fic, even if it isn’t steamy, and tend to veer to the angst in some parts.
August 2018
He couldn’t believe it! Of all days to oversleep, it had to be today. He barely made it through the security of the airport and checked in his bags, but Ohno Satoshi managed to get to the gate for his flight to New York, with a layover at Dallas-Fort Worth. He was the last one to get in, and he could feel judgmental eyes boring on him for holding up the plane for a couple of minutes. Whatever. He just overheard a couple of the flight crew saying that the guys on the ground were taking too long putting the baggage into the cargo hold.
He almost walked by his assigned row. The man sitting in the aisle seat crinkled his nose. Too bad for him. Satoshi bet the guy wished there would be an empty seat between him and the other guy sitting by the window.
“Excuse me, excuse me,” Satoshi said, plopping down on the middle seat. He fumbled with the seatbelt clasp for a moment, then looked up in apology to his seatmates. Satoshi froze when he finally had a good look at the man sitting by the window. The man was already staring at him, his face mirroring how Satoshi felt: shock. It had been 20 years since he had seen him; though slightly older, he hadn’t changed much.
“Jun,” he breathed out, his breath hitched. “H-hisashiburi.”
Jun swallowed before he mustered up a faint, “Hisashiburi, Ohno-san.”
Ohno couldn’t believe it. After all these years, he had finally met Matsumoto Jun again. It had been 20 years since the boy, now a man, had talked to him. He grew up and aged well. He tried not to stare, not to check him out, but he couldn’t believe how handsome his high school friend had become. Was this really that scrawny first year student in the dance team-slashed-club who always looked up to him? His body, and what a fine body it was, had filled, the obvious muscular figure under that tight gray V-neck shirt and blazer jacket.
“How are you?” Satoshi asked, trying not to sound anxious and hopeful. Please talk to me, he silently begged.
Jun kept staring at him. After a beat, the man replied in a cool voice, “I’m fine.”
“You look good.”
“Thanks.” The same cool reply.
“Going to New York?”
“That’s where this plane is heading to, right?”
Satoshi felt stupid. “Uh, well, this flight has a layover in Dallas, so I thought that maybe you were just going to get off there, and-”
Jun chuckled. “Right. I’m going to New York.” He took out a set of purple Beats headphones and put it on.
“Right.” Satoshi faced forward, feeling even more awkward and embarrassed. So much for catching up with each other. At least Jun had finally spoken to him, however small the conversation had been.
It wasn’t for another hour when they finally started talking again.
“Thanks,” Jun mumbled when Satoshi helped the flight attendant by handing Jun his tray of food. Then he proceeded to eat without another glance at his direction. Sighing, Satoshi started eating.
“This might be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of like airplane food.”
Satoshi blinked, not sure if Jun had spoken out loud to himself or was really talking to him. “Uh, I kind of share your opinion,” he replied warily. Jun gave him a smile.
“Do you travel a lot, Ohno-san?”
“For work, yes.”
“What do you do?” Jun asked, stuffing another forkful of omelet rice.
Satoshi inwardly cringed. “I’m a choreographer for one of the top boybands in Japan.” He replied slowly, not sure how Jun would react to that. His talent that landed him this job was the reason why Jun had stopped talking to him.
Jun only nodded, then went back to his food. “Cool,” was all he said. Satoshi studied him for a moment, unsure what the man was thinking. Was he cussing him out in his head, cursing him ‘til kingdom come? Did he think he was a show-off for getting a job that had to do with his talent?
“What do you do, Ju- Matsumoto-san?” He wanted to call Jun by name like how he used to do, but it had been 20 years and Jun might not like being reminded of how close they once were.
“I’m a concert creative director,” he said. “I work with boybands producing their live concerts and such.”
“Oh. I wonder why we had never worked in the same event. I work with boybands’ choreography for their concerts as well.”
Jun nodded. The meal was done, the trays handed to flight attendants, and Jun once again placed his headphones back in his ears. Satoshi leaned against the headrest with a sigh. That awkward conversation lasted about 30 minutes, a little bit longer since they had talked at the start of the flight. He checked his watch. It had only been three hours since they departed. It was going to be a long flight.
This was his chance. For almost two months after “the incident,” as he had dubbed it, Satoshi had been trying to get Jun to speak with him. Hell, he had looked forward to their dance club every week, hoping that Jun would be there. After “the incident,” however, the guy never once came back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1998
“You have to apologize,” Toma, one of the other few freshmen of the team and Jun’s homeroom classmate, had advised. “You know how stubborn he can be.”
“We need him back, Ohno-kun," Sho had said. “We can’t have a dance group for the festival if we’re one man short.”
“Guys, I tried, okay,” Satoshi said. “I go to his house everyday, but his mom only tells me he is busy and won’t come and see me.”
“You had lied to him,” Nino said, pouting in the corner the whole time, his arms crossing over his chest. His eyes glared at Satoshi. Everyone turned to him, Sho asking what he meant. Instead, Nino kept staring at Satoshi. “You lied to him, that’s why he doesn’t trust you.”
Satoshi sighed and looked down. He didn’t really lie, not intentionally anyway. He wanted it to be a surprise, in a way. He had been kicking himself for being double-minded about telling Jun that he would enter the competition, too. If he had, would Jun be feeling betrayed?
Too late now, the deed had been done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Satoshi looked at his watch again. He had been watching two movies in a row, and his eyes hurt. The clock on the small screen in front of his seat showed that there was another 9 hours until they arrive on US ground. The plane was in semi-darkness, many people had fell asleep, or watching the glowing screens in front of them. He turned to Jun, who had his eyes closed, listening to whatever it was on his headphones. Satoshi took that time to study his profile. That perfect profile of straight nose, plump pouty lips, long eyelashes that curves on his smooth skin.
“Quit staring at me.” Satoshi jumped. Jun finally opened his eyes, turning his head slightly to Satoshi. “I can feel you hovering.”
“S-sorry,” Satoshi stammered, turning forward once again. He was in his late 30s, yet why was he acting like a teenaged loser? He mentally kicked himself.
Jun gave a small chuckle. “God, after all these years, you’re still pretty awkward.”
Satoshi turned to him with narrowed eyes. “Awkward? You were that skinny little kid who can’t talk to girls without looking like a fool.”
“Shut up. That was one time. Nino dared me to woo some random girl. I didn’t know she already had a boyfriend from another school and wasn’t interested.”
“You were such a geek back then.”
“Oh, and you were such a hot shot? You never once had a girlfriend.”
“Well, that’s because I like-” Satoshi stopped himself in time, feeling his face getting flushed. Holy shit, he almost said it. It was not the time, and Jun, without a doubt didn’t want to hear it, not after years had gone by. The man was better off not knowing. He cleared his throat and looked away. “Besides, it was going to be my last year as a senior. I was busy applying to universities.” He could feel Jun looking at him, most likely wondering what he was going to say.
“You like what?”
Satoshi inwardly groaned. Of course he would ask, of course. Twenty years might have separated them, but some things never change. Jun was always the curious one, pressing for answers. “Nothing. I… don’t want to talk about it. Not yet, anyway.” Maybe never, he thought. I just finally gotten you to talk to me again. Don’t want to lose that.
“When?”
“Later. I’m tired, I need to sleep. Oyasumi.” It was difficult in a close proximity and an even smaller space to move about, but he managed to turn his back to Jun and lean on the neck pillow and closed his eyes. He stayed in that position for a while, knowing he could never get good sleep in that position, but Jun seemed to settle himself, and leaned against the window to sleep. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes. Jun had leaned on the window, the small pillow the airline had provided was tucked under his head. He looked so angelic. Satoshi closed his eyes again, feeling his neck hurting already. He berated himself for getting a middle seat, what luck.
He felt a hand nudging him. Satoshi opened his eyes slowly, and finds the man sitting in the aisle seat glaring at him. Satoshi straightened up, fully awake. How fucking embarrassing. He was resting on the guy’s shoulder, a spot of wetness on the guy’s shirt. Of course, he had to drool on a stranger after sleeping on him… a foreigner at that.
“Sorry about that,” he said it in English. “I’ll pay for the dry cleaning.”
“Never mind,” the guy said. “Just stay away from me.”
Satoshi winced, bowing to the guy in apology when he turned away from him. Satoshi looked forward again, relieved that the flight attendants were starting to serve another meal. He checked his watch. Only six hours left until they reach Dallas. He turned to nudge Jun awake. The man groaned, but opened his eyes. “Food is coming,” Satoshi said before Jun could protest. Jun raised his arms to stretch and Satoshi couldn’t help noticing how his shirt lifted up showing, for a moment, his smooth abs. How did this man grow up perfect?
“What happened earlier?” Jun asked between bites once they got their trays. Satoshi frowned at him in wonderment. “It was muffled, but you and our seatmate over here were talking?”
“Oh.” Satoshi felt his face flushed again. He told Jun what had happened. Seeing and hearing Jun laugh so hard made his heart ached and long for the man. It had been too long since he and Jun had shared a laugh together. He missed him terribly.
“Geez, Satoshi, sometimes I wonder about you,” Jun said, wiping a tear from his eye, still laughing.
Satoshi blinked at him. “You just called me by name,” he said softly.
The laughter in Jun’s lips died. He coughed, then went back to his meal, the awkwardness between them seemed to hover back again.
“I missed you. A lot.”
Jun shook his head. “Don’t.”
“But I do. I miss you, Jun. I always wonder how you are, or if you’re doing well in your studies. I heard from Sho that he used to come by your house once in a while to tutor you.”
“I don’t want to talk about the past,” Jun said, his voice sounding harsh like he was trying not to yell. “Could you leave it at that?”
“But-”
“Sir, would you like me to take that tray from you?” The interruption from the flight attendant couldn’t have come in at any worse timing. Jun handed her his tray, then put his headphones on once more, and leaned on the window, his face away from Satoshi. Satoshi sighed, handed his tray as well, then shot a look at Jun’s direction before putting on his earphones to watch another movie. This was turning out be the worst flight ever.
Satoshi was jolted awake. It was a bad turbulence. He flipped through the TV screen to where the airline had shown their flight track and saw that they were now above the Rocky Mountains in the United States. Two and a half more hours to go. He gripped the armrest, only to find Jun’s hand was already there. “Sorry,” Satoshi said, but Jun gripped his hand before he could take it away.
“I hate this part of flying,” Jun said. “You’d think I’d get used to it by now, flying everywhere in Japan and such.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Satoshi said. “It just reminds me that we are taking a risk of being a few kilometers above the ground all for the sake of coming to a foreign land. Reminds you that you are human and we shouldn’t take anything for granted.”
“That’s really dark, Ohno-san.”
So, it was now back to using honorifics. At least he was speaking to him again. The plane seemed to fall apart. Damn gravity. If the plane crashes then, was it okay to never tell Jun about what had happened? And even if they make it to Dallas, will they have another chance of sitting next to each other to their continuing flight to New York? It was now or never.
“Jun,” Satoshi said, turning to the man. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t want to lose this opportunity to tell you I am so sorry for what happened years ago in high school.”
Jun glared at him, looking away. Satoshi reached out and pulled off his headphones. Jun grabbed it from his hands. “Just listen, please, you don’t have to say anything,” Satoshi begged. Jun still wouldn’t look at him, but he didn’t put the headphones on.
“I… I am so sorry I didn’t tell you that I had changed my mind and went up against you.”
Jun glared at him. “Satoshi. Of all the people, you were the one who knew how much I had wanted to win the title of Dance King, how much I had worked hard for that contest.”
“I know.”
“You told me you wouldn’t join, just so I could have the shot at winning it.”
“I know.”
“And surprise, surprise! Whose name was announced a few contestants later and stole the show? The great Ohno Satoshi, the most talented dancer of Kitagawa High. Thanks for giving me the shot, Satoshi.”
Jun’s bitterness was palpable, and Satoshi ached at how much he regretted doing it. But he had a good intention of joining. A stupid mistake on his part, but with good intentions. “I joined the last minute because I heard about the prize and-”
“Prize? Prize?” It must have taken a toll on Jun for not yelling, but Satoshi could feel some people were turning to look their way. “You risked our friendship over a measly 10,000 yen?” Jun scoffed, shaking his head. “Some sempai you are. A true best friend. I can’t believe I had adored you and looked up to you.”
Satoshi gripped Jun’s hand, but he pulled it away, slipping through his fingers. “I thought I meant something to you,” Jun whispered, his voice choking a little. “I thought you loved me. God, what an idiot I was.”
“I do, I mean, I did. Jun, you did mean something to me. You still do. All these years.”
Jun shook his head stubbornly. “No. I don’t want to hear your excuse. There is only a couple of hours left on this flight. Once we land, let’s pretend we never saw each other. The past is behind us. I don’t want to go back.”
It felt like being stabbed multiple times, his heart ached badly as Jun placed his headphones back on, and this time, placed the blanket over his head, shutting him out. His eyes sting with tears welling up, but he didn’t want to cry there. Quickly, he excused himself, passing over the seatmate in the aisle seat, and headed to the lavatory. Fortunately, there was an empty stall and he quickly locked himself in it, crying soundlessly over the pain and regret flooding through.
Oh, Jun, he thought. If only you would hear me out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1998
Satoshi had stared at the flyer of the Dance King competition the neighborhood had distributed. Jun had been excited about it a few weeks back, and he had seen him practicing his moves over and over like a perfectionist he was. Satoshi looked proudly at him, couldn’t believe how much he loved the guy and only realizing a few days ago that that love he felt to the 15-year-old kouhai was more than just the love between friends. He had fell in love with Jun, a secret he thought he could keep for fear of the teasing or the stigma he’d get for falling for another guy.
He wanted to do something for Jun. It was his birthday coming up soon, and he wanted to give a special gift. He also planned to confess that day, once he’d given that gift. However, he didn’t have any money, and being in school, exam tutoring, and the dance team, Satoshi didn’t have time to get a job to earn money to buy a present.
Until he took a good look at that flyer and saw the prize money. It was enough to get the Sony Walkman Jun had wanted to get and hinted to everyone to get it for his birthday. Guilt gnawed at him for even thinking of joining. He should tell Jun he changed his mind about joining, but knowing the guy, Jun would pry until he had to tell him his purpose, and there goes the surprise gift. No, he shouldn’t tell him. Once he gets the Walkman though, Jun would forgive him and everything will be okay. He’d mope for a while, but he’d get over it.
Sure enough, he won. What a mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ding above caught everyone’s attention, and soon the pilot was announcing that everyone was to fasten their seatbelts and get ready for landing. Satoshi looked over Jun’s form under the blanket, the man was not stirring at all.
They finally landed, the sound of metal clanking as everyone unfastened their seatbelts and stood up from their seats to disembark the plane. Satoshi looked over at Jun again. He stirred under the blanket but didn’t straighten up. He was going to wait until Satoshi left. Sighing, Satoshi got up, and made his way down the aisle to the exit.
Satoshi found a seat at the gate where his flight to New York would be. He glanced up now and then for Jun, sighing in relief when Jun had made his way to the same gate. They will be on the same flight once again, but Satoshi doubted they’d get another chance to be seated in the same row. Sure enough, they were in different rows, with Jun sitting just a couple rows in front of Satoshi. The man placed his carryon pack inside the overhead bin just above Satoshi but he never glanced at him.
The three-hour flight to New York was uneventful, but Satoshi felt anxious. It was now or never and there might not be another chance encounter with Jun ever again. He fiddled with the wrapped package in his hand.
When the passengers embarked at La Guardia, Satoshi weaved between passengers, trying to catch up to Jun. He grabbed Jun’s arm when he reached him. Jun whipped around, the look on his face could kill.
“Wait, I know you want to punch me right now, but, I have something for you. Please. Just take it.” He placed the package in Jun’s hand. “It’s for you. It’s been twenty years, but you need to open it, please.”
“I have to go,” Jun’s voice sounded cool, but he stuffed the packaged into his backpack. Satoshi grabbed his arm again, and he looked sharply at him.
“Happy 35th birthday,” Satoshi said. “May this year be full of happiness for you, whatever your endeavors are.” Jun didn’t reply, instead he turned and walked away from Satoshi, who could only watch him go. He hoped Jun would open the package, and open his heart for him once more.
November 2018
Satoshi rubbed his throbbing temples. He had been practicing with the backup dancers, a group of teenagers who hoped to one day be in an official band, but for the moment worked in the background for one of Japan’s biggest boyband group- NAIS. The tour was about to open in a few days and still, the dancers didn’t seem to get the choreography right. Even his assistants were at their wit’s end trying to make the moves stick in their brains.
“Okay, okay,” Satoshi called out as once more they stumbled over a certain sequence. The boys groaned, disappointed that they messed up once again. “It’s getting late. We’ll get back to work in the morning.” The boys piled out of the studio, leaving Satoshi alone in the back mirrored room. He took a swig of water from the bottle, stretching his neck side to side. He loved his job, really, but days like this, he wished he could quit. Maybe he could get a job as a fisherman and sell fish to simple folks. He was getting too old for this shit.
“Still a slave driver to the youth, aren’t you?” Satoshi whipped around at the voice behind him, shocked to see Jun leaning casually on the door jam of the studio.
“Eh? What are you doing here?” Satoshi asked, staring at the man who swaggered in. The dance studio of the biggest entertainment agency of Japan was the last place he’d expect to see the man, who looked good as usual.
“I’m here to help out NAIS’s concert,” Jun replied. “Nino called me for help in producing their tour.” He sat on the chair by a mirror, and looked around. “I still can’t believe he, Sho and Toma had been in this music industry for 19 years. This Aiba guy with them is a real character, ne?”
“Aiba-shi is the best,” Satoshi said, smiling. He sat on the chair next to Jun. “He cracks me up all the time. You should befriend him. He’ll cook for you.”
Jun laughed. “I’ll take your word for it.” He paused for a moment, and Satoshi couldn’t help thinking that he looked shy for once. “Um, I heard you were practicing here, so I came by to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
Jun fished out something from his backpack. It was a Sony Walkman. “I almost didn’t want to take it out of its packaging. I can’t believe it had been intact all these years. This thing is now vintage.”
Satoshi smiled. “Well if you ever feel strapped for cash, you can always sell it on EBay.”
Jun laughed. “How’d you know we’d meet again and give it to me?” he asked, eyeing Satoshi with curious eyes.
“I didn’t. I always carry it with me with hopes that one day I’ll see you again and have that chance to give you your birthday present.” Satoshi hesitated. “I love you, Jun. I always have, even during all these years of not seeing you, you were always in my thoughts. I really am sorry about it. God, I was a stupid kid back then. How stupid was that plan? Get the prize money from you just so I can give you a present? I almost threw that thing away.”
They were silent for a moment, Satoshi’s thoughts wandering through how his childish plan had backfired big time. Yet for some reason, here he was sitting next to Jun again. Maybe he could take this opportunity to make amends. “Will you ever forgive me? For my betrayal?”
“I was just as stupid a kid as you then,” Jun said. “I wanted that Dance King title to impress you. God. ‘Dance King.’ How lame was that title?” He chuckled. “I thought about it, and looking back, I was just being a stubborn asshole. I’m sorry I wouldn’t give you a chance to explain.”
Satoshi felt a warmth in his hand, and looking down, he saw Jun had clasped his hand over his. “I read the note that came with the Walkman. I didn’t know you felt that way about me back then.”
Satoshi felt his face flush. “I… didn’t know how to tell you then.”
“You should’ve told me sooner.”
“Why?”
“So, I could’ve done this sooner.” Before Satoshi knew it, Jun’s lips landed on his. It was soft and supple, just as he had thought. He kissed Jun back with equal fervor, his fingers grazing gently over Jun’s face.
“Ahem.”
Jun and Satoshi jumped at the sound, sheepishly smiling at Sho, Nino, Toma, and Aiba standing at the doorway, their faces amused for catching them making out.
“If you two lovebirds aren’t busy, we need to continue planning for the show,” Nino said. Aiba giggled. Satoshi and Jun got up, but instead of leaving the studio, Satoshi gave them a smile. “We’ll be at the conference room in a minute,” he said and shut the door in their faces.
“I see how it is,” came Nino’s muffled protest on the other side.
Jun chuckled, making his way to Satoshi and crushed his lips on his again. “We can’t be long, or Nino won't let us hear the end of it,” Jun said against his lips. He pulled away for a moment. “I have something for you.” He grabbed his backpack that was still at the foot of the chair and walked back to Satoshi, taking out something flat. A big card.
“Happy 38th birthday,” Jun said softly as Satoshi opened it. “I hope you like it.” Tucked inside the card were two plane tickets to Hawaii. He raised an eyebrow at Jun. “Sho told me you like to fish, so I thought I’d take you there, that is if you want me there, so we could go on vacation to Oahu after the tour, and you’ll go deep sea fishing.”
“Thank you,” he pecked a kiss on Jun’s lips. “And of course I want you. I love you, you know.” Jun smiled shyly, his face turning pink. Satoshi leaned in and together shared a passionate kiss that was long overdue.
THE END
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