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The first week Ohno barely ate. Just slice of bread in the morning. He was loosing weight fast. The doctor came to see him every day. Sit with him, talk to him about nonsensical things. Showed Ohno his weird inventions. Time trickled by slowly. But the doctor didn’t take things for granted, making and effort to be with Ohno once a day. The first time he saw Ohno smile, he made a vow he would try his best to make him smile at least once every day. It was a day that Sho marked in his diary. The day he had mixed some fluids together which caused an overload of foam and fumes in his study and had kept Anna and the rest scrubbing the floor for the rest of the evening. The scent was sour making it hard to be in the room for long periods. The smile stayed, and Sakurai Sho took secret glances at him. Glanced that were picked up by the two women in the house.
But as Ohno kept refusing food, Sakurai became a bit on edge. He told Ohno time and time again that not eating was not good, until of course that talking to a person who didn’t respond became pointless and resulted in a screamed outing of frustration. It was a weird thing to fall out at someone who didn’t yell back. Sakurai threw out all that he held inside so far. The fear Ohno might lose his life in his house, the fear of what kind of impact that would have on little Christin, the fear that in the end despite his best he couldn’t save his life. In the end the doctor sat on the ground in Ohno’s bedroom, on his knees, pleading for Ohno to be smart about things, to not throw his life away over a lost love, because surely he could love again, like Sho loved him.
“How can you stand living like this? This is not living what you are doing. Satoshi, you have so much more to offer. So much more to be in life. Why settle to be this shell of a person. You deserve love, you are capable of love. Let me teach you how to trust again. Let me show you how to live again.”
Ohno stared at the doctor on the floor, in astonishment as the good doctor looked up with teary eyes laying his heart on the line. The openness, the trust that went out of such a confession. Sho took Ohno’s hand and pulled him on to the floor opposite him. The shock in Ohno’s eyes made the doctor smile slightly with a bit of hope as he whispered: “Satoshi, let me be the one to show you how to love again.”
Nino comes by ever so often as he is allowed. He is the only guy at the farm now and surely he mother should never be alone there. But he comes any way. He is greeted by a cheerful housekeeper and her daughter. Anna fill him in, now that the doctor is away and Ohno is still quiet at the table but with eyes shining like Nino hasn’t seen them do in a long time.
“You find love in all the weird places!” he comments as he hugs his brother in happiness, “Only you can find love with your mouth shut.” Ohno smiles as Anna laughs with Nino. It feels good to see his little brother. He misses his company now that they haven’t spend a lot of time together. But it is clear to see something is bothering him. Maybe Nino found of love of his own and isn’t sure what to do about it. Maybe their mother is giving him a hard time. Maybe he should return to the farm. Nino’s allowed to stay for a while if he wants; an opportunity he takes with both hands.
But Nino is giving nothing away that easy. He offers to cook the food this time, since he does this at home now - and after all, he loves cooking with Satoshi. And so they make food preparations. Nino informs him on the state of the farm, on the wellbeing of their mother. And still something that Nino is hiding looms over him. It’s in the way that Nino moves about, it’s in the way that Nino sometimes seems to drift off in his own world. And it drives Ohno nuts.
“What’s wrong?” the first sounds that he utters should not have been directed to Nino. He wanted them to be directed to Sho when he would propose and Ohno would accept using his voice, making it that much more memorable.
The sound makes Nino quiet as if he knows, as if he knows he ruined something. But he can’t help himself as Nino cries heartbreaking sobs even if he doesn’t want to. He’s longed for someone to understand him for a long time now. He doesn’t want to go back to the farm, back to that awful place. He’s sorry for messing up what ever Ohno had planned. The tears kept coming and Ohno keeps on getting worried more and more. But Nino still doesn’t say anything, just that he’s glad he’s back with Ohno, even if it’s just for a little while.
Nino keeps quiet as Sakurai takes that night to propose and Ohno accepts with a shy ‘yes’ that surprises the whole table. It feels like he cheated his brother out of something precious, even if Ohno tells him it is okay. He tells him that even if Sho would know, he wouldn’t really mind. Because Sakurai is more about the bonds in his family, which extents to Nino now too. Even Jun if he would be there. The wedding invites will included them even if Ohno knows they won’t show up. They muse for a while. Sho stays silent, just hearing the brothers talk with a smile.
“The sound of your voice. Every syllable sets my heart alight. I thought I would never be able to hear it,” te doctor says when Nino jokingly makes the observation that the doctor isn’t taken part in the conversation, a feat that Sakurai easily sets aside by saying that there will be enough time to talk to his soon to be husband and that the brothers should have some quality time together. Ohno loves him even more for that.
At night the house is alarmed by Nino, who has nightmares. Pretty bad ones. Dreams in which he begs in muffled tones to be left alone. Dreams in which he’s fighting. Dreams that last hours, from which Ohno is unable to wake him. Dreams in which his voice echoes in screams throughout the hallways.
Nino says at breakfast he doesn’t remember. Ohno knows he’s lying. Heck even Sho probably knows he’s lying. The wedding plans commence, and are set with in the week. Ohno doesn’t cook the wedding dinner; Nino and Ohno still know what happened the last time. Even if Ohno is feeling happy of a change, the risk might be too big. The day before the wedding is set Jun and Aiba arrive with Ohno’s mother. The whole family is together again... Nino stays uncharacteristically quiet, their mother doesn’t say much either. She smiles, but Ohno is unsure if it is because he found love, a life without her. It meant he wouldn't move back home. She doesn’t make trouble, however, just helps where she can with the preparation.
Jun takes Ohno apart late that night. He hugs his brother.
“I’ve missed you,” he confesses. “I’ve missed all of you.”
“You shouldn’t have move out then,” Nino retorts over hearing.
“I don’t blame you for blaming me. But I was jealous. And I had every right to be. I was married to Aiba and still he longed for you. And I thought you’d never get over him. Satoshi. You have to believe me. I never wanted to move out, but you made it so hard for me to stay. So hard to trust the both of you. I kept wondering, when Aiba would disappear at night, if he was looking for you. If he was with you even!” Jun sighed and smiled a bit hesitantly.
“But now you are going to be married. To a doctor no less. Now I know that what you had was just a fleeting crush, right? You wouldn’t get married otherwise, right? I’ve missed you so much, Satoshi. I’m so happy for you that you found a love of your own! Let’s never be strangers again.” Jun extended his hand to Nino, “You too Kazu. Let’s be close again like we used to be!” Even though Nino went and held his hand, he didn’t look too pleased. Ohno smiled, but his heart wasn't in it. Because what he felt, what he was still feeling for Aiba had never been and never would be just a simple crush. And forgetting about their existence from a long distance was so much easier than to be confronted with him. Even now, Ohno was tempted to… To what? End the marriage before it had begun? Announce his undying love for the husband of his brother?
In the end it was just better the way it was. Ohno kept quiet and just agreed to keep Jun happy. After all his brother was back in his life and for all that it was worth, he wasn’t sure losing Jun over his love for Aiba was really worth it. But there were glances between them. Silent brooding looks. But Ohno didn’t trust himself and Nino never left his side that night. Jun told them about their troublesome start in their new house. Grinned as he told his two brothers about the wedding night that took place nearly three months after they were actually wed. A thing the two older brothers hadn’t known about. Jun grinned as he joked that Aiba had finally run out of excuses and had no choice but to give in. Ohno didn’t want to imagine that, but the fact that he had given excuses to not sleep with his brother for that long was something that made him smile, even if it shouldn’t. He was getting married in the morning. What the heck was he doing thinking about Aiba?
The wedding took place outside. A beautiful clear day in June. Ohno pledged his life in the hands of Sakurai, who vowed to protect him forever. To love him for as long as Ohno would have him. To stay by his side and truly be his for all eternity. They kissed, for the first time. And Ohno couldn’t help but think it was nowhere near the kiss he had shared with Aiba. Nowhere near as passionate as it should be. He felt saddened by it just a little. He love Sho, there was no question, no doubt in his mind he didn’t - it just wasn’t as all consuming as his love for Aiba was. But Aiba wasn’t his, nor would he ever be his. He was Jun’s.
Sho and Ohno danced a lot together, as if Sho knew what was happening around him - even if Ohno never breathed a word about the whole thing to him. But they had fun and that was what counted. Sho made it easy to forget about the past. He was easy to love. He was all smiles and truly happy, sweeping Ohno along in his fuzzy warm feelings. He kissed Ohno whenever he saw the chance, whispering sweet nothings against his temple, against his cheek near his ear and against his lips. Promises of the night to come, promises of what their future would hold. He made it seem like nothing could or would ever hurt him. All seemed so right in the world with Sho standing next to him. But Ohno couldn't ignore the feeling of Aiba looming in the background watching them.
As most of the guests took their leave a little after midnight, Jun was hanging around Nino, talking to Sho, holding on to Anna's daughter who had taken a very peculiar liking to the youngest brother. Anna was busy in the kitchen with Ohno’s mum. The three of them were already cleaning up little by little. As Ohno brought in dishes from around the house, he was grabbed by Aiba and dragged into a small drawing room, pressed up against the door, mouth covered by Aiba’s lips. There was no escaping them.
As the initial shock wore of, there was not enough fight left in Ohno to fight of this sort of action. He had longed for those lips to be back against his.
“You belong to me,” Aiba mumbled kissing Ohno over and over, letting his hands roam over his body. “I can’t stand that he’s kissing you in front of me.” It occurred to Ohno that Aiba was jealous. Well, welcome to the club. He wanted to say the words, but they stuck inside his head. Aiba pulled the dress shirt up, letting his hands touch Ohno’s skin in a way he hadn’t been touched before.
“I don’t care that you are married to him. You are mine. You know you are. I can feel it.” The words only made things worse. Because Ohno was married! So what was he doing with Aiba, when it was almost time to go to bed with the guy he was married to. But Aiba didn’t let go. Palmed his growing desire through his pants. It was bitter sweet; sweet in the fact that this was Aiba, the love of his life - Aiba who had meant to share his life with - and bitter because surely this was cheating. The soft sob that left his lips was caught by his brother's husband. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
“What do you expect? Masaki, I’m married now. We can’t do this! This is so wrong!”
“We can. Because we love each other.”
“This isn’t the right. You know it isn't.”
Aiba let his head rest against Ohno’s for a moment. His breath was erratic, but his fingers were still playing, still tracing the outline of his deepest craving for Aiba.
“We could … kill them all.” The words hung in the air. “You could cook something and by tomorrow night, we’d be alone. We’d be together.”
The thought was dangerous; the outcome what they both wanted. It was easy to go along with it, to play with the thought. Aiba’s hands working magic, making it hard to remember what was right. His breath sweet on wine, warm in his neck, upon his skin. His shirt was pulled up, his trousers opened.
“You want me. More than you want him.” It was a statement. There was no denying it even if Ohno wanted to. “I want you so badly, Satoshi. Let me be your first. Let me take your virginity.”
“You can’t,” Ohno huffed, “He will know.” Those were definitely the wrong words. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it. But this might be the only chance he would even have.
“I don’t have to fuck you to take your virginity,” Aiba mumbled exposing Ohno's hard flesh. He was the first to see him that way, the first to taste him that way. The touching, the rubbing over his sensitive skin, the heat inside Aiba’s mouth, the wetness, the sounds escaping them. Ohno lost the sense of time, swept up in the emotions and sensations shooting through his body. The creeping touch of Aiba’s fingers moving up to cup both the cheeks of his behind. The sneaking fingers lingering around his entrance, one of them pushing gently in. It hurt a little. But it felt good too. He could hear Aiba telling him to relax, which wasn’t so easy. He was cheating on the doctor he was married to. He was doing things that Sho should have to privilege to try with him first.
“Let go, Satoshi. Let me be the first to taste you. No one will know.” But that wasn’t so easy with the guilt rising. Aiba spurred him on, “I love you. I will always love you.” Words, just words. But they triggered every hidden feeling in one go. Aiba truly loved him. The overload of that, of what Aiba was doing to his body caused him to spill and Aiba swallowed it all. Ohno was quivering, trying to stay upright, but failing. Aiba kept him standing, kissing him again. He could taste and smell his own fluids on Aiba’s tongue as he dressed him up again and making him look presentable.
“Don’t you look all fine again... Just like nothing happened,"he mumble to Ohno's lips.
He left him there. With wild beating heart, the guilt effectively washing away the euphory Ohno was feeling. Left on his own, he was wondering and growing desperate how he could ever face Sho. He didn’t really like secrets, but this… This he should to his grave. Instead of killing as Aiba - hopefully jokingly - had suggested, he felt like he deserved to die.
It was Nino who found him, rolled up behind the door of the drawing room.
“What did you do?” The question was posed as it was. No question about his wellbeing, or what had happened. One look and Nino could tell.
“I will kill him for this! You need to stop this, Satoshi. You are destroying everything. Sho doesn’t deserve this. You don’t deserve the mess you are making. You need to stop.” There was a stern but somewhat dangerous note to his voice. Ohno teared up with the guilt, “We need to send them away. And never see them again.” With everything Nino laid out in the open Ohno just cried more, because Nino was right. He would never be able to fend of Aiba, to say no to him. He was destructive to Ohno. Had made him cheat on his husband, made him cheat on his own brother. In what universe could this ever be right?
“But first we need to get you cleaned up. Sho’s been looking for you, you know. I can’t believe you let this happened. Well, actually I can, but the timing is awful. What the hell were you thinking? God, you are the oldest of us, but you sure aren’t acting like my oldest brother at all! Come on. Let’s get you to bed; I’ll deal with the rest.”
Nino helped him clean up and in bed, telling Anna that Ohno had drank too much and was really sick. Of course that send Sho running into the room when he heard, followed by the rest of the family. Nino threw Aiba a glance that meant his days were definitely numbered. The smirk as he leaned and gazed at Ohno was just enough to drive him to go seek out the sharpest kitchen knife.
Sho sat by Ohno’s side on the bed as Anna and Nino worked to get everyone out of the room. After all this was also their wedding night, no need to eavesdrop. If Sho had seen the exchange of glances between the two brothers and Aiba he didn’t let on. Nino wondered if he was choosing to ignore it, or just didn’t notice it at all. Ohno had turned around in bed, hidden his face against Sho’s who at that point was lying beside him, talking softly to his slightly older husband.
“I will kill you, if you mess this up. I will bury you and no one will ever know what happened!” The words were silently hissed as Nino shoved Aiba out of his way, locking the door behind him. Jun stood beside them looking a bit funny.
“Something wrong?”
“Not really,”Nino lied effortless, “Just that your husband thought it might be funny to start a drinking game. And this is the result; Ohno’s sick on his wedding night.’ He walked away, letting Jun figure the meaning of the words out on his own.
“Are you okay?” The doctor tried to get some room between them, but Ohno held on tight to him, hoping that his sins would be cleansed somehow.
“Don’t leave me,” he mumbled. He could feel and hear Sho’s breathless laugh.
“Wasn’t planning on it.”
“I’m not sick; I just needed some time on my own. I’m glad I married you.” The words are spoken equally breathless. The were replied by Sho kissing him. It hurt that first true kiss now that they were alon. It hurt but not in the physical way, it was hurting mentally. Ohno wondered of Sho could taste Aiba previous kiss, could taste what had happened. The guilt was consuming, making him shed hot tears due to so many negative emotions. Maybe this was Aiba’s revenge; to make the night unbearable, to remind him that Sho was not Aiba.
“You are not well, Satoshi. I don’t mind waiting.”
“But I do. I’m perfectly fine. Please, make love to me.”
After the night had passed, the morning sun stood high in the sky, Nino brought them breakfast in bed. He told them that Jun and Aiba had requested to stay a little longer. It was mostly the request coming from Jun who had missed the company of his brothers. Before Ohno could refuse Sho had granted his permission. Nino looked grave as he eyed Ohno. Wordlessly saying that nothing good would come of them staying. Ohno already knew as much. But this was the kind of person Sho was. Because family mattered.
Ohno avoided Aiba wherever he could. But there was no hiding from it. The suggestions coming from Aiba would remind him of their time together, of his mistakes. The guilt blazing white hot against whatever sound judgement was left. Everything Ohno tried to cook over the course of the following week, got spoiled before reaching the table. The guilt oozing from Ohno into everything he touched. Anna banned him from the kitchen without knowing what was wrong. Jun questioned if Ohno was alright. Their mother kept asking asking as well if something was amiss. Nino knew, of course. And Aiba just smiled vindictively.
After a week the family left, leaving the newlyweds to their own. Ohno did his best to be cheery. To not let the whole situation get to him. After all they were gone and now was the time to really get used to living with Sho, who was attentive and treated him with the respect he deserved. But Ohno didn’t think he deserved any of it. It began eating away at him. He became snappish at Sho’s advances.
In the end Ohno couldn’t take it anymore. Overcome with grief he took matters into his own hands. He barred the bathroom door, ran the tub with hot water. Not even taking off his clothes he sat in the water scorching his flesh. The tears of sorrow burning, spilling. For whatever reason, Sho knew something was wrong. He’d never said anything. But he somehow knew it was bad. He had made it a point to not let Ohno disappear from his sight. And now he was pounding on the barricade door. Calls of desperation for Ohno to let him in. Ohno sobs echoing in the small room as he sliced his wrists, repeating how sorry he was. They they shouldn’t have married. Ohno lost consciousness listening to the sounds of Sho trying to break down the bathroom door. That’s what you get for building a stone house. Sturdy doors. He never should’ve fallen for Aiba. Living this way was not worth living at all.
Ohno woke up groggily minded. The haze was heavy on his mind. He felt weird like he body couldn’t move on it’s own. He heard the voice of someone really young. He tried to move his head in the direction but he couldn’t move one muscle. He listened to the voice telling him about princes and princesses. He heard he tell the story and how they all lived happily ever after. Ohno decided he must have ended up on hell.
He drifted in and out of consciousness. Echoing voices drifted in and out of his awareness but Ohno couldn’t grasp the reality of when he was actually awake. Hell seemed to be too bright when he could open his eyes. Blurry images moving about. The voice he kept hearing soothing, a hand running through his hair at times. It felt a bit like bliss for a while. It didn’t last long. When he was able to focus, he saw bandages bringing all the bad things back sending him in a panicked frenzy. A frenzy that didn’t last long as a hand covered his mouth and forced him to breathe in a horrible scent that drowned his spirits.
When he awoke he couldn’t move, but this time the reason was that he was restrained.
“About time you woke up.” The soothing voice belonging to Sho drifted from the window to his ears. The doctor sat there, not coming closer, just taking in Ohno. Sho lost weight, Ohno noticed right away. He didn’t look like he slept well. “You scared the hell out of me, do you know that? I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but it’s obviously life threatening.” The doctor stopped talking, glanced out of the window and continued looking elsewhere, and still not inquiring to how Ohno was feeling. “But you know what really kills me? That’s the fact you couldn’t trust me with what you are hiding. That you rather choose the most rotten way in the world to die, rather than trust me with you problems. I thought we were equals, I thought we had the kind of relationship where we could talk about stuff. Why would you settle to marry me if I drive you to commit suicide?”
Ohno took the words, painfully aware that Sho was blaming noone but himself.
“You don’t drive me to _”
“Lair. Don’t lie to me. I don’t deserve that.”
“I’m not lying, Sho.”
“Then what is it? You miss your family? You didn’t seem to miss them before. I don’t get what happened. You were fine before the marriage! You had me convinced you loved me. Had me convinced it would work between us.” The words were edged in hurt and rejection. “Is there something I should have done? Is it something I haven’t done?”
Ohno had no words for this. How could he explain on top of those words what he held hidden? That he loved someone else. Some one that was not good for him, but some one he could forget.
“You are entitled to your silence. I won’t pressure you into talking. Just know that I won’t allow any more of this wacked up stuff. You want to kill yourself? Fine, but at least grow a pair of balls and tell me straight up this isn’t working between us. You tell me why, you better give me a reason. Because I will keep you alive even if I have to chain you to this bed!”
The words sounded harsh, but the tears were ones of grievance, they mirrored the ones Ohno was spilling.
“Don’t cry. I don’t like it when you cry. I can take your silence but not your tears.” Sho went up to the bed to sit beside Ohno. “Swear you will tell me what is going on. Maybe not now, or tomorrow. But soon. I can’t stand that you are in so much pain and I can’t help you.” He touched his face, brushed the tears away. Ohno nodded. Seeing the relief in his eyes was definitely worth it.
“I promise. But you will hate me for it.” Sho shook his head against Ohno’s. I will never hate you. Ohno sniffled. If only he could believe that.
A week passed in which Sho and Ohno lived together, but not quite like husbands should. There was a distance that didn’t want to be crossed. Ohno grew stronger, searching for ways to tell Sho… well, to tell him everything. Sho gained a little weight. Ohno teased him with it, pinching his cheeks, still waiting for the right time. It didn’t seem to want to come. And Ohno seemed to realise there were no good moments tell someone that their life was about to fall apart. So Ohno choose the moment after dinner, when the curtains were drawn, shielding them from the outside world. Ohno was about to ruin both their lives.
“I’m guessing since you’re sitting all the way over there,” Sho indicated to the armchair in the part of the room they never really sat, “That you want to talk. Is it necessary that there is this distance between us? Or do you think you’ll be safer there than here next to me?”
“I’m afraid,” Ohno said admittingly, “What I’m going to tell you… It’s not a good story. I’m afraid you will hate me. At least from here I won’t really see the look in your eyes when … you discover what it is you are married to.”
“You’re referring to yourself as a monster? Please, sit with me? I promise you’ll be perfectly safe.” Marriage was about trust, and Ohno still trusted Sho. He took up the space on the couch and Sho handed him a blanket he wrapped round him for support. It were things like these that Ohno felt like he had not right to anymore. This might be the last time he ever could enjoy it.
Ohno started the story from the beginning. From the moment he met Aiba, to the marriage of him and Jun. And as the story progressed Ohno could watch the look of disbelieve on Sho’s face. It became harder to voice out his mistakes, his voice being guilt ridden, as he explained what had happened on their wedding day. He paused a little before owning up to the guilt, how it was all-powerful until he couldn’t face it anymore.
Through the whole story Sho sat quietly with a hum here and there. He became eerily quiet from the moment Ohno was telling him what had happened before the doctor had taken him away. And now that Ohno was done, the silence felt suffocating. It was the confirmation that he had wracked their lives. He should be feeling relieve now that it was out in the open. Ohno waited for Sho to react, either punch him in the face, or yelling he never wanted to see him again. Nothing happened. He just stood up and walked away leaving Ohno behind on the couch wrapped up in his blanket with the tears spilling. It was over.
Sho left the house and didn’t return until the following morning. Ohno had waited, already packed his little belongings. Sho frowned at the small suitcase.
“Where are you going?” Ohno frowned at that in return.
“Are you not sending me away?”
Sho sat Ohno down at the breakfast table. “You need to stop making my decision for me. Of course I’m not sending you away.” Ohno’s frown only got deeper.
“But -”
“Do you love me?”
“Eh?” The question surprised Ohno.
“Yes, of course.”
“I’ve known I wasn’t your first love. I’ve known that you loved someone else from the moment I collected you from your farm. And I do truly deeply love you, Satoshi.” The tears came again. There was no defence against such words
“But you will never be my first choice. There will always be him. How can you stand that? How can you stand to be around me, knowing that you will never be my true love?”
“Because I love you. And I trust you.”
“But I’m not to be trusted! Don't you see? As long as he is around I’m not to be trusted!” Ohno was standing, arms flailing in desperation.
“Satoshi, I love you. I don’t mind sharing you.”
Ohno looked dumbfounded. “I don’t want to be shared!”
“Then be mine! Then, never leave my sight if they are around. And just be honest. And if he drives you crazy, take me to the bedroom. I don’t care if you pretend it’s him.”
“How can you even stand to say such things? Can’t you see that this is not healthy?”
“Can’t you see I love you that much?”
“Can’t you see I don’t deserve that?” Sho sighed at last to Ohno words, rubbing the temples on his head.
“This is getting us nowhere. Why don’t you deserve me?” Ohno could list a good number of reasons. Even before Ohno could voice one Sho continued, “Because, maybe from where I’m standing I am exactly what you deserve. Why is it so hard to believe I am in love with you? That I’m willing to put up with your crazy ass love for another guy?”
“Such guys doesn’t exist,” mumbled Ohno taking a seat again. “I’ll make you unhappy if you stay with me.”
Sho smiled, clutching Ohno hands in his, thumbs circling the bandaids. “You can try. In every argument you never once actually said you don’t want me in you life. And if you are worried about me, don’t. I won’t let you hurt me all that easy. I’ll put up a fight. And I’ll do everything in my power to keep you by my side.”
Ohno closed the small space between them, leaned in a little as he kissed Sho’s lips, touch by the unexpectedness of Sho devotion to him. He couldn’t make promises, Sho didn’t asked for any. If this was the way things could work out, then maybe he could have both. Would he be foolish enough to believe in a happy end? Perhaps he would.
As long as it was just the two of them in their little house, things seemed fine once again. After this morning, they spend a good amount of time together. Talking, going out for walks, stuff that lovers do. Ohno started cooking again, started to feel normal again. It took him some time to get rid of the fact he was not to be trusted. Sho had a little trouble letting him out of his sight for a while, just adding to that exact feeling. But they grew closer, Ono prefered the term stronger. That was until they received word from Nino that their mother had fallen ill.
The farm was just as Ohno had left it. Nino had taken the responsibility of taking care of the farm as he noticed their mother’s health getting less and less. Jun sat silently at on side of the bed, Ohno had taken the other. Even if their mother had been more or less horrible, she was still theirs. Jun had clutched her hand in his, sobbing through the motions of grieving. Ohno was just quietly watching. Nino stood between the brother at the foot end, already used to the sight of his mother dying. She didn’t respond much, something Sho acknowledged as he examined her. He didn’t have to, but as a doctor he couldn’t fight the urge to see if there was anything that could be done. There was soft talk if they should tried to extend her life, but Nino was against it. It was against her wishes. And so this visit turned into a waiting game.
Aiba was looming in the background. Constantly watching. Ohno was aware of it - it was hard to ignore the undertones in which he was speaking. Suggestively, as if there was some big secret between them. He didn’t even try to hide it when Jun was present. Jun didn’t really noticed, or chose to ignore it. Ohno was aware of Sho’s presence. He held true to his word; never letting the two of them alone.
Ohno was torn. Aiba looked good, Jun had taken good care of him. The side of him was like wanting to taste forbidden fruit. But he belonged to Sho. In the three days that they were there at the farm Aiba must have noticed there was no chance of getting to talk to Ohno alone. What followed were snide remarks of Sho being Ohno’s shadow; that Sho didn’t allow Ohno any freedom; that perhaps Sho was very possessive and didn’t trust Ohno. The whole situation was weird. Sho hardly responded to these snide commentaries. Ohno kept quiet as well, which Aiba only used against them. Because see, how Ohno was forbidden to answer? Surely that didn’t bode well for poor Satoshi.
But if Aiba couldn’t get Ohno alone, then he took the best next thing.
“What’s going on with your brother?”
Nino looked a bit groggily towards the door. At nearly 5am in the morning, surely his brother in law had something better to do? - like sleep or screw over Jun or something.
“What’s wrong with you?” Nino retorted, “Can’t you see she’s dying?” He pointed to his mother.
“She’s been this way since we got here. She won’t mind if we talk about your brother.” Nino’s glare was hard.
“I mind! Get out!”
“Aren’t you in the least bit concerned about your brother?”
“I’ll be concerned when there is a reason to be! Now is not the time! Get out!”
“What’s going on?” Sho stood behind Aiba in nothing but slacks, bare feet, looking tired.
“Nothing,” both men replied. Sho sighed. “Don’t give me that crap. Is he bothering you, little brother?” Nino nodded, half a smirk on his lips. The endearment was sudden and unexpected, but it made it all the more clear on which side Sho was stand.
Sho took Aiba’s arm and pulled him out of the room, closing the door.
“I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you.”
“Oh,” Aiba replied dryly, “Scary.” Sho looked up at the slightly taller guy with an unamused look in his eyes. “What is your problem? Is Jun not giving you enough attention?”
“Keep Jun out of this. He’s got nothing to do with this.”
Sho raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t he? You’ve been making every one here extremely uncomfortable. Jun’s upset, Nino’s doing the best he can, and you keep harassing my husband.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes you are. All these statements on me being a control freak, not allowing Ohno any room to breathe. You’ve been trying to get between us and under our skin since we got here. And I need it to stop.”
Aiba huffed at that looking not impressed. “Do you now. Are you afraid your husband will cave if he’s alone with me?”
“I’m very certain of it.” That at least surprised the other. “But you seem unaware of the kind of relationship we have. I know what happened on the eve of my wedding. I know what kind oyu history you two share.”
“Are you threatened by my presence, Sho-chan?” Sho raised an eyebrow at that in a mocking way, “Are you sure you can handle Satoshi running into my bedroom?”
“Let me put it in a way you can understand. If you touch, or even so much as breathe on Satoshi, I will personally kill you.” Aiba didn’t look impressed and Sho continued, “As a physician I know every part of the body that is bound to hurt and will kill you in a very slow way. I have poisons in my possession which I took with me. You touch my husband, you are a dead man.”
“What if your husband comes running to me? Surely that’s not my fault if that were to happen.”
“Masaki, you are married to my husbands brother. Surely that means something to you! Surely Jun makes you happy, or else you wouldn’t have stayed.” Aiba shrugged as he took his leave, having enough of this conversation. “Again, Jun’s not part of this conversation. He’s happy as things are. He doesn’t mind.”
As he left Jun emerged from the opposite room in the hallway looking at Sho with an expressionless, but very pale face. “I told you, didn’t I?” was Sho’s only comment.
A week later their mother passed away. It had been a turbulent week in which Sho told Ohno what had happened and what he had said to Aiba, minus the part where Jun had overheard the conversation. Ohno felt like he was tested as Sho also announced that he would leave him to his own devices instead of being his ‘shadow’ as Aiba had put it. Meaning that if he went along with Aiba or his advances he would endanger his life. Sho watched from a distance, also noticing Jun doing the same. There was a small nagging feeling that this could backfire; Jun could point to Ohno as the troublemaker, seducing his husband. But Jun didn’t do anything.
The funeral was quick. Not a lot of people came. Nino was hesitant around them, something the brothers picked up on quite fast. Around certain guests he was trembling; he shook hands because it was obligated but something was way off. Ohno told the guests there was no coffee or get together in their house. They would like to be alone as a family, obligations be damned.
With their mother gone, it seemed part of Nino was falling to pieces. It wasn’t that he cried, but he wasn’t coherent. He sometimes just laughed out of nowhere, mumbling how funning this all was. How their family was falling to pieces. How this all was a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Then Nino stopped laughing in that high pitch. And told them in a soft voice what had happened when it had just been the two of them at the farm. And exactly how their mother had made ends meet. And what horrors awaited him at night with their mother’s overnight guests. He told them it was a fate that should have fallen on Ohno. But he was the only one left. After that Nino stopped talking.
The tragedy that had befallen the family would not be mentioned in the headline of the local newspaper. Just that the family of three brothers and their spouses died in the fire that had set the farm in flames. The story that was printed were rumours of locals who claimed to know the family, though no names were mentioned. The cause of the fire could not be traced by the firemen and what happened would remain shrouded in mystery.
Nino held the newspaper in view of his brother’s eyes.
“I bet it was the secret lover!” he said. Ohno watched the paper Nino was swinging around.
“You shouldn’t read that. There was no fire, we’d know by now.” He squinted a little, thinking it over. “I bet it was the brother who was betrayed, though.”
“Probably the wacky brother. Clearly he was losing his marbles. Or maybe it was their mom’s ghost, not wanting to leave them behind,” Jun mentioned, smirking, looking up from peeling his share of potatoes.
“Maybe it was just an accident,” Nino mused staring out the window in thought, a funny feeling of deja vu crawling up his spine.
“Get back to work! There’s more to be done! Hurry up, the lot of you! And Nino, How many time do I need to tell you not to bring this crap in here!” She took the paper and tossed it in the fire of the hearth. Their mother didn’t allow much. There wasn’t much fun to be had, unless they made it happen themselves...
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