He lets Jun sleep the next day. They are both free, and he wants Jun to relax and be able to sleep well after he obviously wasn’t well last night. He decides to make breakfast for them while Jun is still curled up in his bed. Finally he can use his kitchen and the new cooking book he bought.

He is a company eater -  he loves when people sit next to him and eat with him. Pancakes, ham&eggs, miso soup, egg rolls, rice with vegetables. That’s the plan. Western style and Japanese style breakfast. Perfect for a lazy Saturday morning.

It sounds pretty easy too, to make this stuff.

Or so he thinks…

He doesn’t know for how long he's struggling, but everything that can possibly go wrong does. The rice smells burnt, the eggs don’t thicken, he accidentally forgot to remove the plastic from the ham, and the miso soup tastes like-

“Oh god,” he can hear a voice from behind. “Stop slaughtering your kitchen and take a step back.”

“What?” Sho blinks, sweat sticking to his forehead while he turns around to face Jun.

The latter just rolls his eyes, and grabs his elbow, pulling him aside.

“But the food,” Sho argues.

“I’ll look after the food,” Jun says firmly. “You set the table. You can do as much, can’t you?”

Sho glares at Jun for this stupid comment, but to his surprise Jun just smirks at him. “Fine,” Sho gives in. “I hope you know what you are doing.”

“Well, no matter if I do or not, it will still be less of a catastrophe than what you did.”

Sho still pouts but when he sees how Jun takes the pan, a spoon and some herbs and handles all the stuff like a magician, he assumes that this guy knows what he is doing. Sho smiles a little. It’s weird. This Jun here doesn’t remind him of the one from last night that almost clung to him and asked him not to leave. Still, it’s also not the same Jun from yesterday and the years before. He is here in his kitchen, deliberately, and helps him to cook. He actually came to look for Sho.

It’s so surreal. Sho sets the table, while Jun is cooking. Like they are actually friends, like Jun hasn’t been avoid him for years now. Sho frowns deeply, thinking about last night, when Jun screamed and yelled in his sleep, and he came rushing to his help, and found those scars on his forearm. Jun is wearing a wristband now, the only reminder for Sho that he is hiding something.

Sho wants to ask, but they have breakfast together, and although Jun is a little distanced and indifferent, there is a crack in this stoic and angry façade he normally has around Sho. Sho doesn’t want to destroy it immediately. He is a guy who normally addresses everything directly, but his feeling tells him that in this case he needs to act a lot more sensitive than usual.

He takes a few bites from Jun’s offered breakfast, and squeals in delight. Jun blinks in surprise, and blushes. “You are overreacting,” he stutters.

Sho grins. “Not at all! I want more.”

Jun’s lips tug, and he smiles all of a sudden. It only strikes Sho now that he has never seen Jun smile like this before. He isn’t even sure if he has ever seen him smile at all…  He is so beautiful with his face lit up like this.

Sho blushes at his own thoughts. “Any plans for today?” he asks, to diffuse his embarrassment.

Jun shakes his head. “And you?”

“I have a date with my sofa,” Sho grins. “And my TV. I want to binge-eat fast food and binge-watch TV-series.”

“Hm,” Jun hums. “Mind if a fifth wheel joins the three of you?” he asks, and it comes as such a surprise that Sho has to blink at least twice. But he gets his act together fast.

“I think I and my sofa can live with company,” Sho jokes, and to his joy Jun chuckles lightly.

Yesterday they were still not getting along, but today, only a few hours later, Sho is surprised to realize that Jun indeed joins him in the living room, first on the sofa chair, until Sho lures him to the huge sofa with some tea and cookies. It seems like Jun is still incredibly wary around him, just that now he is rather quiet and not as prickly and annoyed as before. Was it all just a mask of protection he was wearing all the time? Sho frowns slightly in his thoughts. What did Jun want to protect himself from?

“Hey… Jun-san?”

“Hm?” Jun looks at him shortly before grabbing a handful of popcorn and paying attention to the horror movie again.

“I’m sorry.”

Now Jun blinks. “What for?”

“When Ohno-san and Nino called me for that meeting before our fake-relationship started, I didn’t say many nice things about you.” Sho bites on his tongue when he realizes the intense gaze Jun throws at him. “Okay, I was pretty mean.”

“Well,” Jun mumbles into his popcorn. “You don’t like me, so-“

“But that’s not true,” Sho interrupts him. “That’s why I’m sorry for it. I didn’t mean what I said.”

Jun blinks in confusion. “But you said it.”

“Yes, I did. Because I knew you would be listening, and I don’t know why… maybe I just wanted to get a reaction from you.” Sho blushes slightly. “Like, any reaction. You don’t seem to like me, and at the same time you are so stoic around me, so I kind of got stubborn and wanted to provoke you.”

Jun stares at him in disbelief. “But… why? Why do you even bother? I mean, you could just ignore me, and despise me.”

“But I can’t,” Sho admits, not sure himself what to make of this sentiment and words. When Jun eyes him sceptically, Sho repeats his apology from before. “I’m sorry for saying all this mean stuff. So, can’t we be friends? Maybe?”

Jun’s eyes are wide-opened. “How can I continue to be mad at you when you apologize?” he complains.

“Why are you mad?” Sho wants to know, wondering if he will finally find out about the weird grudge Jun seems to have against him.

“Nothing,” Jun mumbles, and probably lies.

“So?”

“Okay.” Jun smiles shyly. “Let’s try it. And…” he pauses. “Thank you. For last night.”

Sho nods and shrugs at the same time, because he is feeling almost shy all of a sudden, and he hasn’t expected Jun to thank him for being there, and… Sho coughs. “Do you have that often?”

“What?” Jun wants to know although Sho is sure he knows what he wants to ask.

“Sleepless nights. Nightmares,” Sho says straight-forwardly.

Jun gulps, then he shrugs. “Yeah, sometimes.”

“Jun-san, if you need anything,” Sho turns around slightly to touch Jun’s arm, but before he can do so Jun pulls his arm away. “Sorry,” Sho mumbles in confusion. “I didn’t mean to invade your space.”

“No, not at all!” Jun shakes his head wildly. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you to touch me so suddenly. It was just… an instinctive reaction.”

Sho is almost inclined to ask: an instinctive reaction for what? But he can stop himself just in time, pretty sure that Jun would jump into his face or close up completely if he says something like this. Instead he smiles. “If you need something, tell me,” he says, and twinkles. “After all I’m your boyfriend~”

It finally draws a smile from Jun. He chuckles, and leans against his pillow again. “I didn’t think you would be nice,” he muses. “Almost reminds me of the time when we were in High School.”

Sho frowns slightly. So, Jun liked him back then? He didn’t hate him at that time? What happened to make him change his opinion about him? “I don’t know why and how and when, but I can only tell you that I never wanted to hurt you,” he says carefully, not even sure what he is explaining himself for. “I… don’t know what happened.”

Jun is quiet for a long while, but then, almost when Sho expects him not to answer anymore, he shifts slightly. “You don’t need to apologize,” he says quietly. “I need to accept that it’s not your fault. What happened is not your fault, you didn’t even know.”

“What happened?” Sho wants to know, feeling like he is so close to the truth than never before.

But this time Jun doesn’t answer. He has probably opened up more than he wanted to. “Are we going to order in some food in?” he asks instead.

Sho bites on his tongue not to ask anything else or to complain about the change of subject. Instead he nods, and takes his phone. “Anything special you want?” He grins. “There are so many restaurants around. I don’t even know where to start.”

Jun beams all of a sudden. “Why don’t we order food from all of them, to see which one of them is good?”

A soft smile curls around Sho’s lips at the sudden unexpected excitement he was presented with. He can’t possibly say no now, can he? “Well, then,” he smirks. “Let’s rate the take-aways and delivery shops in our area then. Pizza, sushi, Chinese and classic Japanese food?” he asks.

“And the burger shop,” Jun points out with a wide smile. “Oh, and I saw that one of the dessert shops is also delivering.”

“Fine,” Sho chuckles in amusement. “Let’s call them all.”

It was a good decision, he thinks, when the food is delivered, and they are surrounded by all the boxes, crunching and chewing on all the stuff they ordered, and rating the food and the delivery boys… because Jun is in such a good mood that Sho is sure he has never seen him like that before.

They watch a pointless horror-teenage-movie which is ridiculous. It’s two hours later though when Jun slips back into his old slightly detached mood. They watch a new movie, and Sho is surprised that Jun stars in it. “One of your movies!?” he asks in excitement.

Jun blushes. “Let’s rather watch something else.”

“No way,” Sho argues. “You are doing a great job. I want to see it.”

He grins a bit when he sees how Jun is obviously embarrassed about his compliment. His amusement grows when there is a love scene between Jun and the female lead, and Jun almost hides behind his blanket.

Sho laughs, and Jun kicks him, increasing his laugh. At one point Jun’s lips tug into a smile. “You are so silly, Sho-san. I didn’t know you are like that. You were so serious as a teenager.”

“Hm,” Sho hums. “While you were so cheerful back then, and turned serious later on.” He looks at Jun thoughtfully, hoping that Jun won’t take his words wrong. “You should smile more, Jun-san,” Sho says softly. “You are sparkling when you do.”

Jun’s lips quiver. “Smiling became really difficult for me,” he answers honestly.

Sho doesn’t quite understand it, but he bends forward and touches Jun’s cheek softly, glad that the other doesn’t move away again. “Then I’ll help you to learn it again.”

Jun looks away from him. “I wonder,” he says with a bitter tone in his voice. “If out of all you can do that.”

Sho is surprised by that, but doesn’t dare to invade further into Jun’s privacy.


~~~


“Hm.” Nino tilts his head, a frown gracing his pretty face. He and Sho met for a drink and a quick dinner after work. In these moments Nino is rather his friend than his manager. Sho hasn’t told him everything, just that he thinks that Jun might have had a traumatic incident in his past. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Sho says quietly. “I’m sure of it. I just don’t understand what it is, and why it is like that. But I can trust my feeling here, I know it.”

“You do know that once you dig into the past, you might not like what you find, right?” Nino asks earnestly. “You might find things about him and you, and about others, and maybe you wish you wouldn’t know it.”

“Maybe,” Sho says calmly. “But not knowing means I can’t help him. So, it’s not an option.”

Nino raises his eyebrows. “Help him? Since when do you want to help Matsumoto-kun?. You never liked him.”

“I always did!” Sho says with emphasis, surprised by his own words. Yes, he nods to himself, he has always liked him. He has always felt drawn to those deep eyes of Jun, to the way he treated his friends, to his smile… just that Jun’s grudge got into his way, so that he has never dared to even talk to Jun. “I always did,” he repeats quietly.

“Yes,” Nino says quietly. “Maybe you did.”

“Can’t you ask Ohno-san?”

“Ohno is very closed,” Nino explains. “And he keeps the folders and documents of his artists strictly hidden away. He would never tell me anything.”

“Is there anyone else I could ask?” Sho wants to know.

“Why don’t you ask one of his old friends?” Nino suggests. “Didn’t he have one very close school-friend?”

“Hm.” Sho tries to remember. “I think he was pretty close to Oguri-san.”

“Ah, right. The independent artist,” Nino muses. “They used to be good friends.”

“And now they aren’t anymore?”

“I think Matsumoto-san hasn’t been friends with anyone for a long time,” Nino points out.

“I’m not sure.” Sho shakes his head. “It’s one thing to talk to you or Ohno-san, but I don’t want to breach his trust, and just calling one of his friends… I…”

Nino smiles softly. “I understand that you don’t want to pry on him…” He nods, before his eyes light up a bit. “Isn’t the anniversary celebration of your school soon?” Nino asks. “You didn’t want to go, but maybe you should?”

Yes… maybe…


~~~

Sho comes home late, the apartment is dark already, so he assumes Jun already went to bed. His eyes lighten up in surprise and joy though when he finds a plate in the kitchen with sushi and egg rolls. <i>In case you are hungry. Leftovers. Jun. </i>

Sho chuckles happily, feeling a bit silly, but he can’t help to notice his stomach jumping slightly and his heart making a careful jump. Jun cooked for him. Okay, maybe he didn’t cook specifically for him, but he did cook… and thought of him and put some of it aside for him.

Of course he eats it all. There is no way he would decline Jun’s food. When he goes to bed he feels a little fuzzy and smiley, drifting to sleep swiftly only to be awaken three hours later. There is noise coming from the apartment. It seems like something is breaking, a vase maybe. Sho jumps out of his bed immediately, hurrying through the corridor and towards Jun’s bedroom. It’s empty much to his surprise, but it seems like Jun just got out of his bed.

His heart beats faster when he pats through the corridor and towards Jun’s bathroom. He isn’t sure why he feels so nervous and worried all of a sudden. He opens the door carefully, only to be confronted with a picture of Jun, only dressed in short black pyjama pants, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Blood is dripping down his fingers.

“Jun…” Sho mumbles.

Jun spins around in shock, apparently so much taken aback that he drops into the full bathtub accidentally. Sho is at his side immediately, helping him out of it. “You!” Jun huffs in anger. “Why didn’t you knock!?”

Sho ignores his anger completely, pretty sure that Jun just wants to push him away right now anyway. He grabs Jun’s hands instead, and turns it around to check on it. There is a cut on his palm that goes all the way to his wrist. “Don’t do that,” Sho says earnestly. “And grabs a huge towel to throw it around Jun’s wet body first, before he takes a smaller one and wraps it around his arm.

“It’s not like that,” Jun stutters, narrowing his eyes all of a sudden.

“How is it then?” Sho wants to know firmly.

“Why do you even want to know!?” Jun huffs in sudden anger. “Why do you even care? You never cared. It’s all your fault anyway!! You are the reason. You…” His voice trails off, and Sho tries to regather his senses, shocked from what he just heard. What the hell did he ever do to Jun?

“Jun-san,” he says softly but with insistence. “I don’t understand what I did to you, and I wish I knew so that I can apologize. But no matter what. I won’t let you hurt yourself!”

Jun looks tired all of a sudden. Maybe he hoped that Sho would be drawn back by his words and leave. “I didn’t… not with intention. I mean…you know…” He sighs slightly.

“What happened?” Sho wants to know.

“I couldn’t sleep. Again.” Jun looks away. “I hardly sleep anyways, but recently I can’t even rest for two or three hours. I got so annoyed that I got up and decided to take a bath instead. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I suddenly got mad at myself and punched it. I didn’t realize that I was hitting a mirror. That’s how…”

Sho blinks, slightly surprised by the explanation. He looks Jun into his eyes, and sees no lie there. “Stupid boy,” he scolds slightly.

“I’m not a boy,” Jun argues half-heartedly.

Sho smiles slightly. “Just dry yourself up and put some clothes on, and then let’s meet in my living room.”

Jun nods meekly.

When Sho switches on the lights of the living room and starts to prepare some hot chocolate, he wonders when the hell he actually learned how to handle Jun, and since when he feels actually good and warm and fuzzy while he does so. And what Jun meant when he said it’s Sho’s fault.

He has not much time to linger on his thoughts though, because Jun only takes a few minutes to join him. His hair is still wet, and Sho takes the towel out of his hand to rub it dry. Jun looks a bit like a lost puppy when he is finished. His eyes are red, either from the lack of sleep or maybe he cried. Sho isn’t sure. And his face is almost ashen. Sho takes his hand and leads him to the sofa, forces him to sit down before he hands him the cup with hot chocolate.

“I’m not five,” Jun argues, but a small smile curls around his lips.

“One is never too old for hot chocolate,” Sho intervenes, noticing with relief that Jun’s face gets back some colour after he took a few sips. Meanwhile Sho attends to the cut on Jun’s arm, disinfecting it first while noticing the already healed cuts on Jun’s arm once more. He touches one of the thicker ones with his finger.

Jun winces, but Sho doesn’t let him tug his arm free. “Don’t look at it,” Jun huffs. “It’s ugly.”

“It is not,” Sho says quietly. “It’s not like I understand this here or why you did it, but don’t call yourself or anything about you ugly. Ever.” He trails another scar carefully, realizing with relief that all of them have to be older already. “You are not doing it anymore, are you?”

Jun shakes his head.

“Promise? Because I never want to see you cutting yourself.”

Jun’s lips tug into a sad smile. “I’m not that person anymore. I was, until Satoshi-san found me and helped me out of this horror. I’m not going to hurt myself anymore.”

“But you still have nightmares?” Sho asks carefully.

Jun nods.

“Since when can’t you sleep properly?”

“Years,” Jun answers honestly. “I had to take pills for a few years, and they helped me. But I didn’t want to rely on them anymore. A few months ago I stopped taking them. I talked to Satoshi and my doctor about it before, so don’t worry.”

“And it’s my fault?” Sho wants to know.

Jun blushes slightly. “Not really,” he admits quietly. “But I used to blame you for years. I always knew it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just… needed someone to blame, I guess.”

Sho sighs, his thumb brushing over Jun’s wrist softly. Then he pulls his hand up and places a careful kiss on Jun’s wrist. Jun doesn’t pull his arm away, instead he bites down on his lips, watching Sho with a curious and nervous glance. “You…” he mumbles. “Why now?”

“What do you mean?” Sho asks carefully.

“Are you hitting on me?”

“Maybe,” Sho admits quietly.

“Why now? Why did you dump me before?”

Sho stares at Jun dumbfounded. “Dump you? When did you confess to me?” he asks in surprise. “I never had the chance to dump you.”

Jun blinks. “But the letter I sent you when we were in school.”

“Jun-san,” Sho say earnestly, finally starting to understand some of the problems Jun was having with him. “I never received a letter. Never. I swear by everything that means something to me that I haven’t.”

“But…”

“Jun,” Sho says with insistence. “Look into my eyes. Do you believe I’m lying? It’s the truth. I never received a letter from you.”

Almost all colour gets drained from Jun’s face. For a moment he just stares at Sho in utter shock, then much to Sho’s surprise he starts crying. Thick teardrops run down his cheeks, his body shivering. Sho looks at him helplessly. All he can do during this breakdown, it seems, is to hold his hand.


~~~


They have to make a red carpet appearance together. It’s still a bit awkward between them, but it’s a new kind of awkward, and Sho can handle that one a lot better than the awkward anger between them throughout the years. He holds Jun’s hand while they pass the press. There are questions over questions raining down on them.

“Matsumoto-san, you are looking tired!” “Sakurai-san, how does it feel to share an apartment?” Matsumoto-san here, Sakurai-san there.

Sho sighs, feeling how the whole fuss drains quite some energy from them. He turns around with a polite but firm smile. “Please,” he says calmly. “Jun-san just had a small infection. I ask you to be lenient with us.”

“Such an attentive partner,” one of the journalists says. “You really seem to be in love with him.”

“Well,” Sho smiles slightly, and looks at Jun out of the corner of his eyes. “It’s because I am.”

Jun looks a bit surprised at first, then he smiles carefully.


~~~


Jun doesn’t join him for the school anniversary. “Last place I want to go,” he jokes. His mood is getting better recently, and he joins Sho whenever they are free. He has not answered to Sho’s confession up to now, but Sho assumes he needs some time to be able to voice his feelings.

When he gets to the anniversary, he is greeted by lots of known faces. Faces that look familiar but have grown over the last years. He chats with old classmates, laughs with them about how he used to have blonde hair, gets updated on interesting news like marriages and kids, sees tons of photos of little toddlers, and even meets one of his old girlfriends again. It’s only at the buffet that he meets the man he almost forgot about over the last weeks. “Sakurai-kun,” the dark-haired guy smiles at him. He has an edgy face but soft eyes.

“Oguri-kun?” Sho blinks, frowning slightly. Then he nods. It’s Oguri.

“Call me Shun,” the man laughs. “It feels weird to be called so formally by my old classmates.” He looks around a bit. “Did Jun-kun not come?” he asks, almost a bit disappointed.

Also a question Sho got confronted with a few times already. “Well, he doesn’t feel too well recently,” he explains.

“But you two are happy, aren’t you?” Shun wants to know.

Sho smiles. “I’m giving my best to make him happy.”

Shun nods, looking almost a bit sad. “I couldn’t back then,” he starts blabbing without Sho even prompting him. “I wanted to. I really liked him, but he only had eyes for you. And then one day, he wanted to confess to you. But when I saw him a few days later, he was a completely different person. He didn’t talk to me anymore, he didn’t even smile, just got easily irritated. And whenever I accidentally touched him, he freaked out.” Shun sighs. “I still don’t get it.”

“Shun-san,” Sho smiles reassuringly, basically to make him feel better. What he just heard is indeed unsettling. “Jun was going through a difficult time back then. It wasn’t your fault. I promise.”

Shun’s face lights up a bit. “Are you sure?”

“Hundred percent certain!” Sho is about to say more, but he gets interrupted by a few ahs and ohs, coming from the classmates at the door. When he looks in said direction, he feels speechless for a moment. Jun? It’s indeed him. He has switched into a pair of tight dark trousers and a silk white shirt and a fashionable blazer, suiting his usual sexy image.

He smiles politely at their old classmates, before he joins Sho at the buffet. “Sorry I’m late,” he says casually.

“Are you feeling better?” Shun asks happily.

“Yes,” Jun smiles. “And I didn’t want Sho-san to suffer alone.” He smiles at Shun. “It’s nice to meet you again, Shun-kun. I hope you are doing well?“

Shun beams happily, and Sho chuckles. He squeezes Jun’s hand and kisses his cheek, mainly to mark his territory before anyone could get stupid ideas. Jun blushes slightly, but keeps his cool. Then Sho leaves them alone, wanting to give the two some time to catch up with each other.


~~~


At the way back to their apartment Jun doesn’t talk to him though. He looks almost mad. “Jun,” Sho asks, grabbing his arm when they leave the elevator to their apartment. Jun spins around in anger.

“You!” he huffs. “You jerk!”

“What now?” Sho asks calmly.

Apparently his calm approach took the wind out of Jun’s sails. “I heard you talked with Ninomiya about me!” Jun huffs. “And probably also with Shun!”

“Yes, I did.” Sho admits. “A few weeks ago, before I found you in the bathroom. I talked to Nino, to my friend Nino, and asked him if he knew why you were so mad at me and that I had the feeling that something bad happened to you in the past. I needed to talk to a friend.”

Jun tilts his head, frowning a bit. Sho takes the moment of calmness to lead him to their apartment and close the door behind them to save them from prying eyes and ears.

“Jun-san, I was just worried,” he admits. “And I was too scared to ask you personally. Nino suggested I could talk to Shun, but I didn’t want to. At the party it was Shun who approached me and wanted to know if you would come. He talked to me. I didn’t ask him anything.”

“What did he say?” Jun wants to know.

“That you wanted to confess to me. But afterwards you were a different person. Shun thought it was his fault. He liked you back then,” Sho explains.

“He did?” Jun wants to know quietly.

Sho nods.

Jun shifts around nervously, then he sighs. “Never talk to someone about me again!” he demands with authority.

Sho has to smile. “But when you are my boyfriend, I’ll sometimes need to consult with a friend,” he points out. “You are going to be tons of work after all.”

Jun throws his shoe in Sho’s direction, and Sho dodges it with a grin. Then he approaches Jun, and brushes his hands over his arms. “Jun, I didn’t mean to hurt you or to misuse your trust. I will never tell someone anything private about you. But sometimes I will need to talk to a friend and ask him for advice. Even if it might just be for a small thing like a birthday present or an interesting new sex technique.”

Jun chuckles slightly. “Okay,” he gives in.

“Okay?” Sho asks, and squeezes Jun’s hands. “Is this the answer to my confession?”

Jun blushes a bit. “You are the only person anyways who would confess in front of the press.” He raises his hands, brushing over Sho’s cheeks. “I wished my letter would have reached you back then. I wished all the things afterwards didn’t happen.”

“Jun,” Sho puts his hands on Jun’s, squeezing them while they continue to move over Sho’s face. “I don’t know what happened. But I’m glad that life made us meet again, work together, even though you hated me at first, and that it finally led you into my arms.”

Jun smiles. “You love me?”

“Yes, I love you.”

“Good.” Jun smiles. “Because I love you too. Always did.”

Sho leans closer, his nose brushing over Jun’s. “Will you tell me what happened?”

Jun nods. “You won’t judge me?”

“Never.”

“I sent the letter to you, but then another guy got it. He met me at the place I wanted to meet you. He said you threw the letter away. I was so shocked.” Jun swallows visibly.

Sho’s eyes widen. “He forced himself on you?”

“Kind of,” Jun admits. “He blackmailed me with it. And so, I slept with him. It only went on for a few weeks though, I was lucky I assume. I met Satoshi and he saved me. I don’t even know how he did it, but he did, so I don’t question what he did to make the guy go away.”

“So that’s why,” Sho mumbles. “Why you hated me all the time. Jun… I never… I mean, I didn’t even receive your letter. I never threw it away.”

Jun smiles slightly and buries his head in Sho’s neck. “I know. I blamed you because I needed someone to blame. I was so angry, at everything, all the time. I didn’t like myself much at that time. At one point I started to search pointless sex partners and love affairs. I thought if I went for random sex, I would maybe like myself again, because others found me appealing, but of course it didn’t work like that. My job helped me a bit though, I learned to accept myself again.”

“And the press conference? The phantom pain?”

“That’s partly true,” Jun explains. “Sometimes I suffer from it because right before I left the guy beat me up. But during the conference I exaggerated of course.”

“Are you sure you are ready to let me into your life?” Sho wants to know, almost dreading to know the answer.

Jun smiles nervously all of a sudden. “Why, do you want to leave?” he teases.

Sho grins. “I have no intention to leave.” He lets go of Jun’s hands, allowing them to roam over his body, while he holds Jun’s hips. He isn’t too sure what to do now, and if it’s okay to kiss Jun, if it would feel too rushed if he did. But to his relief Jun knows what he wants, bending forward to capture Sho’s lips. They feel warm, and soft, and taste slightly like lemon balm.

Sho smiles against Jun’s lips. “My sweet Jun.”

Jun chuckles. “My silly Sho,” he jokes.

Sho laughs, and wraps his arms around Jun tighter, pulling him closer. Jun opens his lips slightly, allowing Sho’s tongue to enter. f

Part Three