Title: The heart of things
Rating/Warnings: R, it contains some hints of graphic acts.
Summary: A never ending story of love and loss. Ohno finds that what his hearts wants, and the life that is set for him are two different things. But how to cope with a love that is deep and all consuming. A love that is returned. A love that can't be his.
Notes: Dear astrangerenters. I was actually surprised I were to write for you. Because to me, you are a very good writer! That being said, I've tried my hardest, but found it difficult that even though you didn't have hard requests, to fulfill them. So, I am aware this isn't exactly what you hoped/wished for. Though, I hope you will read it through and give your honest opinion.


Their mother didn’t allow much. There wasn’t much fun to be had, unless they made it happen themselves. Ohno kept himself busy with the kitchen chores and stayed far away from his mother as he could. Even as a kid he was always singing around the house, and making the family meals. He did this together with the maid; some old bat who went by the name of Ann, and who was according to Ohno a sheer genius in their little hide away. He would watch her prep the meals until he was old enough to stand by her side and truly help. Cooking turned into a thing of passion. The meals always tended to satisfy everyone who tasted from them. Which was a joy to see. And every night Ohno would praise the old woman for the food.


Ann thanked him in return, with that special grin of hers that was always just meant for him. And he would glow from it. Ohno was part of a small family without a father; their mother who had some fortune, would manage to make ends meet every month. He had two younger brothers to look after as well. But the older Ohno became the more he started questioning just how she was holding things together. It was a frequent thing of argument between them, often resulting in a slap from his mom to mind his own damn business.


There little farm was run by the four of them. The brothers shared a room; they were close - maybe closer than brothers normally were. But they were all they had. All that kept them happy while living under the rule of their mother.


She was a controlling woman, one who kept mostly to herself, but was very protective of her possessions and of her sons. There was no straying from the path she had set for them. And marriage wasn’t one of them - for who would take care of her when they were all gone away?


Ohno hadn’t thought of marriage, let alone think or dream of love. They lived in the middle of nowhere on the edge of a town where little people still lived. But this farm was theirs, and a good farm is still was. It was nearing harvest season when a carriage strolled into their small speck of land. Ohno was picking up the stray peaches from the ground when the horses pulling the carriage came to a stop.


A man stepped out with a youngman roughly his age. His mother came out and the man entered. The son stayed as, presumably been told to wait. As he looked around he spotted Ohno sitting on his knees below the peach trees. Ohno waved, because, well, what else was he supposed to do. He went back to work, knowing his mother wouldn’t like the delay in their chores.


“Hi. Need some help?”
Without waiting for an answer he sat down and started collecting the peaches at his side of the basket.
“Eh, sure.” Ohno looked down after meeting a pair of curious eyes and a smile that would make the sun envious in warmth. Even after those few seconds - Ohno knew he was in trouble. The roughly combed fuzzy hair, the glance of friendliness, the smile, even his scent was fated to last in Ohno’s mind as the wind gently helped the stray emotions Ohno was having. As they reached for the same peach, be it on purpose or not, their touch, the quick brush of fingers, sealed the deal. There was no choice but to look up and meet those eyes.


“I’m Aiba Masaki,” the young man said smiling and not removing his hand from Ohno’s who was still holding the peach. Ohno knew Aiba must feel how much he was trembling though.
“I’m Ohno Satoshi. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He was taken in by the soft look that appeared in Aiba’s eyes as he told him his name.
“Do you work here?”
Ohno shook his head and smiled. Aiba let go as ohno pulled his hand back. “I’m the oldest son.” There was a blush spreading. “I should get these inside, now. I’m making peach cream pie this evening.” He had no idea why he was saying that, blushed heavily at the weird sound of his voice.
“You cook?" Masaki asked, more rethorecal than anything else, "That’s nice. I can cook a little, but I guess nothing like peach cream pie.”


He followed Ohno back to the farm and into the kitchen. Ohno introduced the guy to Ann who blatantly checked him out. Ohno rolled his eyes at her. He could hear his mother's footsteps before he could say something.
“Satoshi! Where did you ...  Why is he here?”
“Mom, this is -”
“I know who he is. Aiba-kun, your father is waiting for you by the carriage. Come along, I’ll walk you out.” She sounded friendly enough, but the glance she cast Ohno was not all that friendly. It told him to stay away from him.
"Bye Satoshi. I hope we meet again!" The cheerful voice made Ohno smile.
“That doesn’t bode well, young master,” Ann remarked when his mother had taken Aiba away. Ohno agreed. Butat least Aiba seemed unaware of the hard look his mother held in her eyes.


The peach cream pie was made with Aiba Masaki lingering on his mind. The bitter sweet feeling Of him being whisked away, the fluttering of his heart when he thought of Aiba's smile; the forbidden edge of it was tangible in the sweet dish. Nino, Ohno’s second to youngest half brother, was smirking with every bite, like he was reminiscing about a love of his own as he ate. His gaze lay somewhere in the distance, a red colour grazed his cheeks. Jun, Ohno’s youngest half brother, was not as much impressed. Ohno suspected it was because Jun hadn’t experienced love before. It also made him curious to what Nino was hiding.
Ohno’s mother seemed to struggle with some inner turmoil as she seemed reluctant to keep eating, but couldn’t quite turn the dish down. Ann grinned from the kitchen. When ever Ohno had strong emotions, for some unknown reason he tranfered them to the food he was making.


After the innitial meeting Aiba and Ohno kept running into each other. Dating seemed the next logical thing as they like eacho other. Ohno would find the time to travel to town and meet up. They were seen in the park, or doing shopping, holding hands. They seem to be in love and getting very much attached to each other. Ohno’s mother however didn’t really allow it.
“Ohno-kun,” she would often try to pursuade him, “You won’t leave me all by myself, would you?” or “He is not meant for you, you know that, right?” To which Ohno would nod to just please his mum. But he would sooner die than give up this love.


Ever so often Aiba would come to the house with his dad, and Aiba and Ohno would take walks through the hills or through the farm lands. But even after a few months, they had never crossed the line of kissing. Other than small pecks on cheeks it never went.


Ohno wanted to wait, And Aiba - being the gentleman he was - had no objects. So it came to pass, that Aiba came by with his father unannounced one afternoon. Ohno’s mother who had been peeling potatoes with her sons in the kitchen looked directly at Ohno.
“Is this your doing?" she questioned icily, "You know how I hate it when people show up unannounced.” Ohno shook his head, his longish hair danced a little with the movement. Nino looked at him in return, leaned forward and grabbed his hand, sharing a smile that only a secret between siblings could entice. Jun hummed contently a small bit of the wedding march.
“Tease,” breathed Ohno breathless from excitement.
“You’d be so happy, Satoshi! I’m hoping you can get married and have all you desire.” Nino nodded to Jun’s words. Nino opted that he would have to go wedding present shopping, something Jun looked forward to. He named a lot of things Ohno had no use for. The three of them giggled as the presents got absurder in origin and size. One more extravagant and pointless than the previous. They went back to peeling, even if they couldn’t concentrate all that much, until their mother returned with Aiba in tow.


Ohno stood up, smiling brightly as his mother made the announcement. “Tonight we will feast and toast to the wedding announcement, “ she halted there and the brothers made sounds of joy, “of Ohno’s youngest brother, Jun. I take it that Satoshi will make us a grand dinner to celebrate the occasion.” The instant silence hung in the air, filled with confused looks.
“What?” Ohno’s voice was barely audible.
“Aiba-kun has agreed to marry Jun,” his mother said matter of factly.
“What?” Ohno just couldn’t believe this. This had to be a mistake - a prank his mother was playing. His gaze shifting between his mother and Aiba who didn’t say a word and avoided looking back. What had happened?
“Jun, come with us. We need to discuss the details of your wedding.”


After Jun threw Ohno an apologetic glance he left the kitchen with his mom and Aiba. Nino was instantly by his side, hugging him very tightly. Ohno kept mentioning a mantra of disbelief of “What happened?” swapped with, “Am I dreaming?” Nino didn’t know how to react, just kept his arms around his brother, holding on tightly, as Ohno fought to hide his tears, but lost to his sorrow in the end.


“Stop crying like a little girl,” he mom chastised when she got back to the kitchen. The wedding is set in two weeks. You’ll make the wedding cake. Be sure to make it a good one. Nino will help with decoration.” Jun stayed behind with his brothers when their mom left.
“I’m sorry, Satoshi.” It only succeeded in making Ohno’s sobs worse. There was a powerful glance in Nino’s eyes, one that was hard. One that told Jun that Nino knew he could have refused to union. And that he didn’t. That he probably didn’t even put up a fight.


The brotherly bond, that they’ve always had, dissipated somewhat. Jun was sure that Nino hadn’t told Ohno as much, but Ohno kept his distance from then on. Jun reminded him of what he had lost. And even if Aiba had wanted to talk to him after what had happened; he kept refusing to talk to him. As if things couldn’t be worse enough already, the announcement came that Aiba would move in and help around the farm as well. With that prospect, Ohno couldn't be around Jun at all. He moved out of their joined bedroom and since Aiba would often show up Ohno didn’t want to feel like dying every time he laid eyes on him.


There was no stopping the wedding. And it wasn't for lack of trying. But their mother's iron will was set in stone and she would not be moved. As preperations started, Ohno hid most of the time with Ann in the kitchen. The last part that needed to be fixed was the wedding cake. Nino and Ohno were slaving away, with Ann guiding the process of cooking and baking the wedding feast. The three of them were stirring the batter in the big pot, filling the cake mold as they went and baked different layers. After their mother had turned in for the night, Ann told the boys to go to bed as well. Ohno didn’t respond; he just stared into the batter with quiet tears rolling down into the mixture.
“My dear boy, you shouldn’t cry into the batter! You’ll mess up the taste!” But the tears kept coming. “This is the last time I will cry,” he told them as he tried wiping them away. “I swear the last time. I know I've lost him, And I know he will make Jun happy. That should be enough for me.” It didn’t sound like he believed it. Ann send them to bed any way.


Nino followed Ohno to his room. “If you want I’ll sleep here tonight. You don’t have to face the night alone.” Ohno agreed, welcoming the warmth he would find being near his brother. Though, in the end, he couldn’t sleep. He woke up so often that it was near impossible to say he had been sleeping at all. He roamed through his small bed room, Mind wondering and going around in and endless circle of 'what if', staring out at the drying grasslands that were the farm.


He spotted Aiba outside. He carefully stayed out of sight while spying on his lost love. It didn’t look to him that Aiba was overjoyed with the wedding in the morning. The love of his life stood still gazing over the grass lands and hills in the distance. Once in a while Ohno saw him glancing up to the window of his room and he backed away, even if he knew Aiba couldn't possibly have seen him.


He fought the impulse to go out and check up on him. After all, Aiba had made his bed and he should sleep in it. But from there, the thought of him sleeping with Jun hurt. It hurt a lot. It was the kind of hurt that grips you by the throat and makes it near impossible to breathe. It caused a cold feeling in his heart; like his heart was being ripped out and there was nothing that could fill the space it left.
“Satoshi.” His name came softly from the bed. Nino reached for him, hugging him when he gave in to being consoled by the only brother who was on his side. “Come back to bed. Leave him be.” Words that ached. Could he ever just 'leave it be'?


The next morning was all about getting things ready. Ohno didn’t have to go out of his way to avoid the happy couple; they were busy with getting themselves ready, looking all presentable. The guests poured in by the afternoon, the ceremony was short and left Ohno with a dreadful feeling of emptiness. Nino had been standing alongside him all afternoon. They sat together at the table where the guest would eat and praise the food. The wedding cake was brought out. But To Ohno it was too much. He excused himself from the table.


There was a brief whisper at the table as Ohno disappeared into the house. One that had been going around for a while. Ohno that told Nino every one knew about Aiba and Ohno, and apparently everyone had counted on them being married, instead of Jun and Aiba. There was no avoiding that. And it didn't help Ohno's situation at all.


The cake was served; a toast was made, happy smiles exchanged, followed by a kiss. Ohno's stomach turned. As the guest dug into their fair share of wedding cake bliss, the atmosphere changed. Nino couldn’t tell what happened, but after eating a few bites he felt a painful stab right inside his heart. The more he ate, the more sad he began to feel. He realised he wasn’t the only one when there were sounds of sobbing coming from various guests. In a matter of minutes the table was in tears, but it didn’t stop there. Nino felt the flair of bile rise in his throat. He hurried to the bathroom to adhere the urge to empty his stomach.


When he returned he saw most of the guests emptying theirs in the river that flowed a little down hill. It was a marvelous sight to behold, Nino grinned to himself. There was something powerful in Ohno's cooking. He wondered if he could actually kill with his cooking.
Ohno was in the kitchen tending to Ann who lay on the floor, clutching her stomach. White foam kept streaming from her mouth. “It was for you. I did it for you!”
Nino sat by their side looking from one to the other, wondering what she meant.
“Silly old woman,” Ohno said in response. His tone affectionate, but spike with sorry as he held her hand. "Why did you eat the cake if you knew it was poisoned?" There never came an answer.
In the end Ann died, marking it as the saddest day in Ohno’s life. How was he supposed to keep going when everything in his life ended the way it did?


With Jun married to Aiba, Jun moved out of the brother's bedroom. But instead of Ohno moving back in, Nino to Ohno's. He prefered that to having a room of his own. Besides, he didn’t want to risc listening in to the newly wed’s first night together.


Jun and Aiba both had to suffer the effects of Ohno’s wedding cake, which was a blessing for Aiba more than a curse. Jun lay in bed, nearly undressed, ready for their night. He had a frustrated look on his face.
“But I’m feeling fine, Masaki.” Aiba shook his head. Jun had this longing look, laced with astonishment.
“It’s better to wait until we are both sure we are. What if we are still under the effect of things? I don’t want to risk getting sick again. Let’s just wait until tomorrow.” He was lying. Jun knew he was lying. Even married to Aiba, Aiba would never be his. He got that. But this marriage was his future now. And it brought out the competitor in him. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his brother - because he did and it was awful what was done to him - but damn it if Jun didn’t deserve to be happy as well. And he was going to make this work - whether Aiba wanted it to work or not.


With the wedding over and done with, life at the farm began again. With the extra help in the form of Aiba, you’d think everything would be less workwise. Their mother found more things around the farm for them to do. Ohno tried his best to avoid the happy couple. Nino told him their happiness wouldn't last; that after a full month their marriage had in fact not been consummated. It didn’t really land with Ohno what that would mean. Nino was all too happy to explain.


Somewhere in their second month, when Ohno was hanging the linen to dry in the late august sun, Aiba found him to be alone.
“We need to talk,” Aiba said, following Ohno around. Ohno kept moving away from him.
“We have nothing to talk about.”
“Satoshi, please listen to me!” Aiba grabbed Ohno by wrist and refused to let go, even going as far as to push him against the wall of the shed they were passing.
“Listen to me! I only agreed to marry Jun for one reason. And one reason only! And that's to be near you! It's the only way to be near you!” Ohno frowned.
“What does that even mean? How - “
“If I didn’t, I would never see you again! Don’t you get it? When they told me I couldn’t marry you... I was desperate! Satoshi, I agreed it to be close to you, to stay close to you... Because even married to Jun, in the end, I will always be yours! I will always love you.”


Aiba’s proclamation caused Ohno’s tears to spill, which made Aiba smile. He leaned his head against Ohno’s, feeling the kindred spirit between them, before claiming his lips in a kiss. It was their first ever. Ohno would remember the sweet taste of Aiba for years to come - or so he could easily believe. The feeling of being close, pressed against the wood of the shed, covered with aiba’s body. He didn’t know how to react, couldn’t do anything as Aiba kissed him again and again until He heard Jun’s voice call out for him, and Ohno’s mother for Satoshi.
They smiled as they parted.


It was their secret. But knowing his mother Ohno pretended to be indifferent. But as it is so often with mothers in general; it’s hard to fool them. Time and time again she would barge into Ohno’s room, or where he just happened to have chores, telling him he was forbidden to talk to him, or even lay eyes on him. Which was hard, because Aiba sure as hell didn’t give in to those demands. On one day in November Aiba presented Ohno with a few rozes he had bought. To make matters worse, he had the audacity to give them to Ohno in front of the whole family.
It made Ohno over the moon happy, but it stung Jun in a way that angered him; because Aiba had not even tried remember his birthday in August. But he knew Ohno's by heart. Jun swore he would take revenge, because whether or not Aiba knew it; he belonged to Jun now! And he hadn't seen the full effect of a jealous Jun.


His mother ordered Ohno to throw the flowers in the trash. Ohno didn’t refuse, since under the strict rule of his mother he didn’t really have a choice, but Nino took them before Ohno could throw them out. He took the petals from the stems, telling his brother: "There must be a way to make better use of it. Doesn’t Ann keep a cookbook? Maybe there is something in there with flowers? It would be the perfect kind of makeing use of your present.” It seemed so far fetched, but still better than throwing them out. And he would not waste the flowers that way. He could pour all his love into this one dish he would make in honour of his love for Aiba, as he still dared to show him his - even if he was married to Jun.


Ann’s cookbook had a collection of dishes with things Ohno wouldn’t eat Nor cook normally. He found a recipe that could work; Qual in Rose-petal sauce. So he ground the petals into a pulp, added herbs with a bit of oil; making a sweet marinade that made the kitchen seem so much more of a better place than it had been. Nino and Ohno went out to hunt down the quals they had at the back of the farm; he served them with the sweetend red sauce and mashed potatoes. All the while, while cooking Aiba had stayed on his mind.


When Nino and Ohno served dinner; the smiles being silent witnesses to the looks that were thrown by Jun and their mother observing the meal. His mother looked seriously displeased. Aiba was the only one at the table looking with enthusiasm at the result. Nino was the first to dig in as he got himself seated, then Aiba. They hummed their appreciation from the get go. Ohno and his mom started their meal. He could feel the full effect in the pit of his stomach as butterflies seem to soar to the sky. His heart was singing and he couldn’t keep from looking to Aiba. A gaze full of love, one that got returned a thousand fold.


After a few tiny bites, Jun excused himself from the table, throwing his fork on his plate. The displeased face of their mother following him out of the room and landing on Ohno.
“I told you to keep your distance. Are you that set on defying me?”


Aiba and Nino kept praising the food. A healthy glow appeared on both, Nino making soft noises of pleasure as he went for seconds. The meal had the effect of a more than just love. It was more profound and so deep that words could quite capture it. The hums at the table increased, a silence washing over them, But to Nino it felt weird to be around the two desperate love struck people. With a high colour he excuses himself, the look in his eyes feverish and Ohno smiled as he knew what was happening to his younger brother.


A small while later after cleaning up he heard the skrill voice of Jun complaining to his husband, and the sweet sounds of pleasure coming from Nino’s room as he wandered outside their house. The evening sun warming his heart, giving him the courage he lacked. The more he listened to their voices, the more he felt like this would turn out right. Jun could fight what was coming, but with Aiba’s love by his side Ohno would make plenty more meals like this one. And Jun couldn’t keep denying they belonged together. And Nino would reach new heights every time after dinner, he smirked, as he listened in while the sun warmed his face.


The next morning however  the house was already in commotion before the sun got up. Jun and Aiba were leaving. His mother had arrange for that, but how the two brothers didn’t know. Aiba tried to reason with Jun and his mother in law, but was painfully ignored as the two packed their stuff. Aiba longed to catch a hold off Ohno, but he wasn’t allowed to leave the room, nor was Ohno allowed to enter it. Nino was torn as he tried reasoning as well, more to Jun than o his mother, but to no avail. Jun swore he had no brothers as Nino had taken Ohno side. The bickering grew worse until Jun and Nino actually got into a physical fight. It was then that Ohno saw that Jun had actually fallen in love with Aiba as well.


It hurt. Jun didn’t bid them farewell; Ohno didn’t send them off smiling. They stood there watching; Nino flipping his finger to the carriage as it was leaving.
“You better start thinking about breakfast, while we are up. There is plenty to be done now that the two of them are gone.” The smuck iciness in her voice as their mother walked away was delivering the blow Ohno couldnt handle. She hissed over her shoulder: “It’s your own damn fault. I told you not to defy me!”


Needless to say, breakfast was a disaster. Nino didn’t know what had happened to the bread, but his heart felt like it shattered, releasing a wave of pain and grief he could barely control. Ohno stayed at the table with quiet tears running over his face long after Nino and their mother were gone. He was banned from cooking from then on. Ohno didn’t mind. He didn’t do his chores after that, had lost the will to do anything. Lost the will to breathe.


His heart was broken and he had no way of it to be repaired. He stopped eating little by little, locking himself away, until one morning he was nowhere to be found. Nino sought the farm, the lands, even venturing to town. But no one had seen his brother. It was troubling to realise that Ohno could have just taken off and found a place to ... well, end things.
A week had gone by when Nino noticed something strange in the old attic. It could only to be reached from the outside. They hadn’t used it in years. It was home to pigeons, rats and other critters Nino could really care about. But the pigeons didn’t go in this time, they stayed on the roof as if something scared them or prevented them from entering. Some had blooded feathers and beaks, making Nino more upset as minutes ticked by, realising what that couls mean. Climbing up there was no easy matter. Their roof wasn’t quite stable, the roof tiles slippery, making Nino loose his hold a bunch of times - nearly dropping to the ground


When he reached the attic, the inside was covered with feathers, pigeon poop, rat droppings. The smell coming from it was horrendous and nearly made Nino throw up. There was no way -
His heart stopped as he hurried over to the lifeless body hidden in the back. The small but bright rays of sunlight shone upon the bluish cold skin. Ohno’s body was covered in scratches and bloody wounds cause by the vermin roaming the place and Nino feared his brother might have died. Died of a broken heart. And he would never ever let his mother forget she had ripped his entire family apart in the course of a year.


The small cough, exiting Ohno mouth as Nino hugged him tightly, held his lifeless body close to his, startled him.
“Are you alive? Satoshi! Are you really alive?” Nino kept hugging him, “You are alive, really alive!” Tears ran as he called out for help.

After that Nino had no choice but to say goodbye to his oldest brother as well. As they had managed to get Ohno from the attic with the help of some people and a doctor from town, it became clear that Ohno’s situation was very precarious. That he needed space and time to heal, mostly to heal his broken spirit. And thus Nino stayed with his mother at the farm, now just the two of them, while Ohno was taken away by the doctor who promised to take good care of him.


The road to the doctor’s house was in pure silence. Not because Ohno had nothing to say - which he didn’t - but he was still out of it. He didn’t want to live, didn’t want to really die. He didn’t want to feel; feel that his life had amounted to this big heap of pure sadness and desperation. As he was still alive, he vowed never to speak again. It was the only thing he could come up with the shield himself from the pain they caused.


He didn’t watch the road, even though his eyes were open, didn’t register they were passing the town driving further and further away until there was nothing but lush trees, grass and solid ground beneath the hooves of the horse pulling their wagon. Ohno didn’t have much stuff, so there was little that was packed for him.


The doctor took his hand as he let Ohno climb down and take in his new surroundings. There were a woman and kid standing in front.
“This is Anna and her daughter Christin. They are American. I am Sakurai Sho, by the way, doctor and inventor extrodinair!" He smiled warmly as the doctor gestured to the house in welcome, "At your service. This is my house. Do you like it? I hope you do, because you'll be staying here for a while.”
Ohno just gave a nod, looking at the sturdy looking house, which to him looked like something out of a weird fairytale book. It looked like a mansion, all made of brick with no wood. It would stand storms and nothing could break it down. Ohno became a mess inside just like that. Because this house which was so strong looking would surely protect him and keep him safe. It was something he longed for so badly.


Sakurai showed him in, followed by Anna and her daughter who looked not a day over ten. Anna reminded him of Ann, the old cook and took an instant liking to her as she helped him settle into their home. She was the housekeeper, she helped out the doctor who had given her a place to stay when she couldn't aford one of her own. She told him about her life, how she ended up with the doctor, which was easy; Ohno refused to speak. Christin often played inside his room as Ohno looked out the window. She drew him pictures of princes and princesses. Seeing the hope in the little girl’s eyes hurt. He just hoped she wouldn’t fall in love. Because love hurt.


Part 2